


Imagine being loved by me

by KathyBoug



Category: the GazettE
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Comedy, Domestic Violence, Fluff, M/M, Reituki, Romance, Self-Harm, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, Telepathy, i'll work it out idk lmao, possible future sex scenes, telepathic soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-05-19 03:56:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19349008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathyBoug/pseuds/KathyBoug
Summary: In a world where it's romanticized to have a foreign voice stuck in your head and your own thoughts heard without your consent, Takanori hates having no choice in the matter.Aka soulmate AU where the exact time the younger soulmate turns 18 they start hearing the other's thought and vice versa, communicating with telepathy whether they want it or not.





	1. Introduction: Akira

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo like this is the playlist I made for this fic, enjoy  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/hemf0fu78npdobwj0qxqq0g8a/playlist/5Lgn0X2MAdZKXxFx5sM2wO?si=uwf6GfneQ2uRsGYx20gdfQ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first songs from the playlist of the fic are what I imagine to be Akira's themes lol. What a life.  
> The first two chapters are just introductions to the two main characters so don't be too quick on judging the whole thing dhwegu

**'Feels just like I don't try**  
**Looks so good I might die**  
**All I know is everybody loves me'**

 

***

 

_“Take off your shirt,” came a soft whisper, accompanied by a seductive lick over lips. The blond, who was kneeling on the bed above his teammate, smirked and obliged. The other seemed to observe him, brown eyes focused on him and clouded with lust as sweat run down his temple. It didn’t take long for him to be on top of him again, kissing his neck and making him succumb to all the pleasure he could offer him._

 

***

 

Another day of university. Akira woke up and changed in some black, ripped jeans, his favourite black shirt and put on his leather jacket, which was decorated with studs and spikes. Grinning, he brushed his teeth and spiked out his blond hair just slightly, grabbing his noseband as the final thing before grabbing his backpack and leaving his apartment. He'd been wearing it since forever now, it was his signature look.

He had moved in on his own when he got into the university, mostly because of the distance. Finally, he could have as many people over, for however long, without anyone complaining. Maybe except his neighbor from the floor below.

The ride on the bus was fast, and he could walk that distance if he was in a mood, but he'd be late if he did that now. He got off the bus and started walking towards his class, bumping into classmates of his. There was still time for a cigarette. And so he took one out of his pack, letting someone else light it up for him.

"Thanks man" he grinned, taking a deep inhale. He leaned against a wall and watched as more students started arriving. Most went right into the classroom, even if it wasn't time yet. He sighed and dropped some ash on the ground, smiling widely at the sight of his best friend finally getting there.

"Kou! Finally you graced us with your presence." he laughed, it had been a couple of days since the brunet last came. "Will you stay for practice?" he asked immediately, that's what he was most interested in anyway.

"Of course that's what you care about," started his friend, sighing dramatically. "Here I thought you actually worried for my education." he went on, but was pushed in the shoulder playfully.

"Whatever man, I didn't enter the university to attend class."

 Kouyou looked at his friend perplexed. "I thought this is why people attend university?"

"Well yeah but...you know what I mean." laughed Akira, snorting at his friend's curious face. "Come on, yeah you're right but for now my priority is basketball. I can finally focus on it without being afraid of failing the class." he smiled, throwing his cigarette down and stepping on it lightly.

"I just hope you won't fuck up the semester," was the response, that elicited another laugh from the blond.

"Said the person who skipped class 3 times this week. Come on, let's go in." he suggested after checking the time.

On their way to class, a couple of girls and a couple of other guys from the basketball team joined them, talking chipperly. He didn't miss the chance to flirt with absolutely anyone who talked to him.

Akira knew he was popular. He was popular among boys and girls, for many reasons. He knew he was handsome and he knew his style singled him out of many of the others, and he knew he made people laugh. He knew that, being as friendly and confident as he was, he naturally drawed more people to him. He knew that his athletic body and skills in basketball made him 'cool'. And _oh he loved the attention._

He also knew that all that was fueled by the fact that he didn't have a soulmate yet. When he turned 18, he had expected a strange voice in his head. It hadn't made its appearance, as of yet. That probably meant his soulmate wasn't 18 yet. So he decided to enjoy it while it lasted.

The word had gotten around and people were more confident in approaching him. See, when the younger soulmate turns 18 they start being in each other's minds, able to communicate and talk through thoughts. So it'd be hard to establish absolutely any other kind of relationship while that was a thing. Taking advantage of the lack of it now, he had been in a lot of short term relationships and had slept with even more people. He didn't think of himself as promiscuous. It was always with people he liked and knew, maybe after a couple of drinks, maybe after a whole bottle, and sometimes with no alcohol involved at all. It was just what everyone did, as long as their soulmate hadn't showed up.

After class he grabbed his best friend and headed to the gym, excited. He loved playing basketball, and he loved his audience as well.

"Akira!" the team captain, a third year, waved at him. "After practice we'll go out. Will you two come?" he suggested. It was how it usually went. Practice, then outing. Maybe something more after that.

"Sure, we're in! Right, Kou?" he smiled, patting his friend's head. But he frowned as the other looked away.

"Akira, I need to talk to you." the nervous bite of lips made the blond nod immediately and pull his friend somewhere more privately.

 

***

 

"...What?" from all the things he expected to hear today. He definitely didn't expect hearing that his best friend couldn't hear his soulmate anymore. That couldn't be good. "Are you sure he isn't just... taking a break?" he asked, unsure if this even worked that way.

"Yeah-- you can't just _shut it off_ Aki. This is why I didn't come to class. I... I..." the brunet seemed lost and so Akira pulled him in a hug.

"You'll be fine Kou. Any chance you met him and didn't realize it? Maybe he came back to Japan and wanted to surprise you and you two talked somewhere publicly without realizing it." he asked, thoughtfully. It was a very slim chance they would have talked without recognizing each other's voice, but it was the best possible scenario.

"This chance is what has helped me keep it together. Maybe I met him on the street? But I really need to search for him now".

 

***

 

Kouyou had told his friend that he'd be fine and to enjoy himself before he left. The blond didn't know how to comfort him in something so personal and especially when they couldn't be certain what happened.

He remembered Kouyou coming to school one day excited when they were 18, talking about how he and his soulmate got in touch already. Akira had been kind of bitter back then, jealous. He was more popular. Why hadn't his own soulmate turn up the moment he became 18? It wasn't fair, and seeing others have something he didn't didn't make him feel pleasantly at all. His immature mind chose to ignore the fact that if his soulmate was younger than him, there was nothing he could do. He hated seeing people have something he didn't and talk about it. He felt excluded.

Of course he grew out of this jealousy quickly and felt stupid about it. There was no reason to rush that. At least he had met and flirted and established relationships with more people than _any_ of them ever would. You can't do that easily with your soulmate in your head. Except if it was your kink, he guessed.

 

***

 

Akira pushed the raven boy on the bed. He kissed him passionately and started taking his shirt off, hands roaming everywhere. It was Satoru, a member of the basketball team who had been giving Akira a lot of shy glances lately. And so the blond approached him during their outing, suggesting drinks when it was time to go home. It went very well.

“Take off your shirt.” came a soft whisper, accompanied by a lick over dry lips. The blond, who was kneeling on the bed above his teammate, smirked and obliged. The other seemed to observe him, brown eyes focused on him and clouded with lust as sweat run down his temple. He then got back on top of him, sucking on his neck as he felt arms around his neck.

He caressed short hair, now naked from the waist up. He eagerly undid the other's pants, breath ragged and unstable with arousal. Satoru was the shy type, and so he took the lead. He kissed down his neck, to an exposed chest down to his stomach, down. He kissed trembling thighs before taking Satoru into his mouth, closing his eyes and enjoying the pleasured moans above him. But soon he was on top of the other, legs wrapped around his waist, bodies tangled messily and sweat dripping into the sheets.

Strangled moans and creaking echoed until they were both spent, giggling in content. Normally he wouldn't let him stay there, but knowing Satoru, it'd be better to let him stay the night over. So he pulled the covers up, whispered 'goodnight' softly and turned on his other side, already falling asleep.

The next morning, he was glad to realize the other had already left when he woke up. Good. They were on the same page then. He yawned and got up quickly, repeating his morning routine.

He received a text from Kouyou that he couldn't come again. He understood, and so he tried to reassure him in text on his way to the university. He remembered that his best friend got along with his soulmate the moment they started talking. Yutaka was two years older and he was very kind. He always helped Kouyou when he needed emotional support and Akira wasn’t there. So Akira liked him, and with time they were both used to it enough that it didn’t interfere with every time they went out.

The only problem and reason they hadn’t met yet, was that Yutaka lived in another country. It wasn’t permanent, just for his studies. And since Kouyou didn’t have any social media, for now there was no other way of reaching each other. They had depended on this way of communicating too much, it seemed.

When he arrived, he put his phone back in his pocket and shook his head, trying to stop thinking for now. It’s not as if his own worrying would do anything. He noticed Satoru smiling at him from afar and so he returned it, before lighting up his morning cigarette.

A girl approached him, hands touchier than they'd usually be. As they walked in class laughing, he smirked.

Yeah, it was going to be a good week.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow the beginning was a complete clickbait wasn't it. OOPS  
> This chapter was an intro to Akira and the next will be to Takanori, but the plot will start developing.  
> If you liked it please leave a comment telling me your thoughts!  
> I have the first three chapters ready so I'll try to update every week or something


	2. Introduction: Takanori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I updated a day earlier than I had planned to BUT I COULDN'T WAIT HFBRHFBHF
> 
> I'm kind of bitter because I think 36 Degrees by placebo is the exact song that fits Takanori but I'd have to write all of its lyrics which wouldn't be nice. Super bitter. But with that info in mind, I hope you enjoy!

**'All alone in space and time**  
**there's nothing here but what here's mine**  
**something borrowed, something blue**  
**every me and every you'**

 

***

 

His morning started with the annoying buzz of his alarm. Takanori grunted but opened his eyes, turning the alarm off. He kept reminding himself that this would be his last year in that hell, the last year before finally moving away to study.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up, quickly wearing his school’s uniform. He ruffled his brunet locks, trying to smooth them down from the sleep. He got to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready, before grabbing his backpack and walking down the hallway. He sighed at the empty kitchen before leaving the apartment, locking the door behind him.

He put on his earphones on the bus and closed his eyes. His parents were once again away. They were supposed to be home by midnight, but he somehow didn’t believe that. They had been gone all week. The loneliness didn’t bother him, in fact he was glad his father was gone. But he had basically become their maid at this point, keeping the house clean and cooking, even for them when they were there.

The sky was cloudy and the atmosphere gloomy. At least the weather understood him, he thought. That was why he liked winter. Too bad it was coming to an end, slowly. He looked at the seat in front of him. Someone had carved, ‘666’ and ‘hell awaits you’ in the fabric. He rolled his eyes at the childish words; he was already in hell anyway. And he was going to its depths every morning to study biology. Big deal.

 

***

 

He scribbled on his desk during the lesson. He couldn’t wait for this day to be over, with absolutely nothing happening. It was his birthday, finally becoming 18. The dread of finding his soulmate was there since last week, and he wished it wouldn’t be the case. Frankly, he didn’t care about it, and even if it turned out to be nice he didn’t have time. He wanted to focus on school, on studying, so he would get into the university of his choice and disappear from this town forever.

Soulmates. What a stupid concept. Not only he doubted that this whole soulmate thing was always correct, but just the fact that people accepted and even awaited a stranger's voice in their head was completely idiotic. What if your 'soulmate' was a psycho? What if you were depressed, and aside of your own thoughts, you had another voice in your head telling you to do stuff? Like to kill yourself? No one ever seemed to think about it and he was curious about how many people had died because of their alleged soulmates. It was a dangerous thing, and he didn't understand why nature had allowed this, forcing it on humanity.

Besides, his father had also been quite clear about not wanting Takanori to connect with his soulmate as of now. To be fair he didn’t have a choice in the matter, and he was afraid of what would happen if his soulmate turned out to be older than him. The bruises on his arms, hidden by his school uniform, were proof enough of his father’s opinion on the matter. The thought made him pull his sleeves down unconsciously as his attention returned to the teacher. He really hated biology.

 

***

 

His surprised yelp when he got home to actually find his parents made them both raise an eyebrow. He didn’t need this. He had just wanted to return home, finish his homework and put on some music to read the book he had borrowed from the library. He didn’t want to deal with them.

“Takanori,” his father said, sternly. “We’ve brought cake for your birthday. Is this a way to greet us after a week?” the calm but strict voice made him tense up. He remained still, unsure of what to expect. Even his breathing got very low, as if that would make him disappear. Part of him thought the smart way out of this would be an apology and another part of him thought that if he opened his mouth it’d make things worse. However, his mother interfered.

“I’m sure he was just surprised. Happy birthday, Takanori.” she smiled and pulled her son close to kiss his head. The brunet closed his eyes in relief. No one brought the soulmate matter up. No one wanted to jinx it by talking about it. They’d know by 8 anyway, the time Takanori was born. “Go finish your homework so we can talk later, okay?” she said softly. He didn’t need to be told twice. Nodding, he got into his room.

He dropped his backpack on the floor and took a deep breath. _Well, glad that’s over_ , he thought and threw himself on the bed. He ruffled his brown hair and winced, stressed. At least his father didn't seem to be in a bad mood, not as much as he had expected anyway. He put a palm over his chest, feeling his heartbeat frantic. This day was the worst. He had no idea what to be anxious about the most.

A simple exchange and he was already exhausted. At this point, if his soulmate indeed appeared today, he’d take it as God’s proof that he hated him.

 

***

 

In a matter of hours, he was leaving his room reluctantly. He had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a comfortable hoodie, willing himself to hide into a shapeless mass with oversized clothes. If he could he wouldn’t come out yet but he was afraid his father would yell at him for ‘taking so much time to finish high-school homework’.

Speaking of, he could see him on the couch, watching the news. The moment he was noticed, the TV was turned off and after noticing his mother in the kitchen next to the living room, he swallowed and approached his father.

“Done with the homework?”

“Yes, sir.” he mumbled, looking down.

“Good. Sit down.” he did as ordered and sat across his father. Sitting next to him was never a good idea. “In half an hour we’ll know what happens. I talked with your mother and we decided that in case that soulmate bullshit happens, you’ll be home-schooled for the rest of the year”.

Takanori’s eyes widened. No, he didn’t want that. School was his only opportunity to leave the house without asking, the only chance he had to escape for a few hours and the only way he saw people when his parents weren’t home. He knew if he lost that, he wouldn’t drag himself out of that hole by himself and would rather lock himself in his room. He knew where would that get him.

That moment, he felt hate. He hated the nature of soulmates, how they were forced on you with no way of escape. He hated the society, that saw nothing wrong with someone being 24/7 in your head. He hated his father, who was cutting him off from the world, who made his childhood a nightmare. For being the reason he hated the world. For being the reason he never spoke with anyone and turned down whoever tried to approach him. He hated his mother, who always stood by or turned the other way when his father had one of his fits. He hated himself for not leaving them both behind and being afraid of being homeless.

Instead, he just nodded.

“Now go help your mother with your chores and come sit so we can celebrate or whatever.” it didn’t feel like a celebration, and his father was never there for his birthday, but it’s not as if he would miss this one time.

“Yes, sir.” he only whispered, and did as he was told. He silently took the dish from his mother’s hand and did the rest himself, even with her telling him not to. In the end, she just prepared the cake. She seemed chipper about how they’d finally celebrate together. Sometimes he wasn’t sure if his mother was very optimistic or just dumb and naive.

The dreaded hour came. They were on the couch, him sitting across his parents as he looked at the candles on the cake. He felt empty. He had no control over the situation. There was not a reason for him to be anxious right now. Maybe just enjoying the last moments of his peace and quiet was the best option. Peace and quiet. Well, not the right description. His head was always full of thoughts, never peaceful. How much worse would a second voice make it?

“Happy birthday to you~ happy birthday dear Takanori...”

Looking at his mother, he sighed. He admired how unbothered she was. He was feeling so numb that his started pinching where his bruises were discreetly, trying to feel something, make sure it was still his own body.

 

“...happy birthday to you~!”

 

Taking a deep breath he went to blow the candles. He remembered to make a wish, and he probably wished what everyone was wishing in there. For his soulmate not to appear yet.

He blew the candles and watched his mother clap and lean over to kiss his head. He closed his eyes, he resented her for many reasons but at least she reminded him he was still human sometimes. His eyes followed her as she served cake to all three of them and then they met his father’s own. The man was staring at him intensely, waiting in silence. He checked the clock. Any minute now.

“Eat up! We got a chocolate one this time since you can’t eat strawberries anymore.”

 

“So?”

 

Takanori looked at his father. He looked at the clock and when he saw it showing exactly 8 he closed his eyes. It seemed like an eternity of silence when he realised: silence.

“Nothing.” he said, unable to hide the hint of smile on his face.

“Are you sure it was exactly 8 and not later?” the man looked at his mother, who shrugged.

“I am, but we’ll know anyway. It shouldn’t be later than 8.30, so we’ll know by the time you’ve eaten the cake.”

However, the voice never came. Takanori ate his cake without forcing it down his throat for once, the lump that was there having disappeared. Maybe God didn’t hate him after all.

“Since you’ve eaten, go to your room. You’ve slacked off enough for today. It might be your birthday but that doesn’t mean you’re excused from education- if I see your biology grade dropping more you’ll be home-schooled either way” of course his father had to ruin this little victory. It would be out of character if he didn’t, huh.

The teenager gritted his teeth and got up, not wasting a second to get to his room. He almost slammed the door behind him but, remembering what happened last time he did that, he closed it softly.

It was almost an hour into him reading his book and listening to music with his headphones on when he got a very strong headache. He grunted and turned his music off. Maybe he should stop putting it on so loudly.

 

***

 

Somewhere else, Akira had just gotten to a girl’s house. She was beautiful, with bleached red hair and pale skin. And really big boobs. Did he mention her ass? Her body was great so he hadn’t been reluctant in going home with her. They were in her bedroom in an instant and he didn’t waste a second in pulling her blouse off. Pushing her against the wall, he started kissing her breasts and roaming his hands all over her body, feeling his hair pulled eagerly.

_‘...when any impression has been present with the mind, it again makes its appearance there as an idea; and this...’_

“Did you say anything?” Akira broke away and looked at the redhead confused. What was she on about?

“H-Huh? No, just keep going” she urged, and shoved his head back in her breasts.

Shaking it off, he undid her bra and started kissing all over, pushing away his own confusion. This was so good, he thought, panting now as he closed a mouth over a nipple and--

_‘...the ideas of the memory are much more lively and strong than those of the imagination, and that the former faculty...’_

Annoyed now, the blond pushed himself up and took a step back. “What the fuck are you saying?” this wasn’t even sex talk. It wasn’t sexy at all. He could actually feel himself getting completely turned off by all this incoherent mumbling.

However, the look the girl gave him was one that basically screamed ‘what’s wrong with you weirdo’. “I barely made a sound.” she said just as irritated. She didn’t understand what the hell was going on. Was he crazy? Did she make a mistake bringing him home?

_‘...neither the ideas of the memory nor imagination, neither the lively nor faint ideas can make their appearance in the mind...’_

“Ah fuck! What the hell!” Akira yelled, almost scared. He knew it wasn’t her now. She hadn’t opened her mouth. The voice came from his head. Was he going crazy? He couldn’t even understand whatever that voice was saying. This definitely wasn't coming from his own brain. Oh wait…

 

***

 

Takanori was trying to read the book of Hume he had borrowed. He liked philosophy, and taking a break from the usual literature he read, he decided to finally read Hume. He was very interesting and had been important in philosophy’s evolution. However, he suddenly couldn’t focus.

_‘Those are some very big boobs’_

“Huh?” he looked around him confused, and tried returning to his book. He didn’t know where that had come from but he brushed it off. Maybe his mind was playing him tricks because of the headache.

_‘Is she just going to stand there? Maybe I should actually tell her to give me a blowjob’_

The brunet suddenly flushed, embarrassed. What was going on? Was he having weird intrusive thoughts? But-- He just tried to focus more on his book. Reading something always made stupid thoughts stop.

_‘Okay this joke is getting old now, she’s not using her mouth the way I thought she would at all. What is she even talking about'  
_

Takanori was getting scared. “Hello?” he called out, looking around. Silence. He looked behind him but he had a bad feeling about this. The voice didn’t sound like it was coming from somewhere at all, rather inside his head. It… couldn’t be. It was too late anyway. He focused his attention more.

 

_‘Hey dude. Happy birthday.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo yeah as you understand introductions are over and the plot starts developing. Any comments are appreciated! It's hard developing this plot I,,
> 
> I'll just remind yall if you're interested to listen to this playlist bc the fic is based on it almost lol https://open.spotify.com/user/hemf0fu78npdobwj0qxqq0g8a/playlist/5Lgn0X2MAdZKXxFx5sM2wO?si=uwf6GfneQ2uRsGYx20gdfQ


	3. Do you think about me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was supposed to post this yesterday but I didn't have internet since saturday yeaaah. I still don't but I managed a bit today huhu.  
> SO THING IS THIS CHAPTER WAS LIKE. ENDING AROUND THE MIDDLE. But I read @ragball's fic 'walls of stone' and it got to me a lot and I got very inspired and this chapter went from 3,000 words to 7,000 so thank her for that. Also I do suggest yall read that fic even if you're not a fan of RukixUruha. It's so, so good.  
> SO YEAH, ENJOY.

**'I'm only honest when it rains,**  
**An open book with a torn out page,**  
**And my ink's run out.**  
**I want to love you but I don't know how.'**

 

***

 

That was it. He jumped up and cursed loudly, dropping his book on the floor. His father yelled at him from the living room and he froze, but since it stopped there he sighed relieved.

‘What the fuck?! Can… you hear me?’ the brunet asked in his head. This was weird. He didn’t like it at all.

‘Yeah, it’s how it works. I take it you were born eighteen years ago at this hour today so… happy birthday.’ the voice echoed in his head clearly now. It was deep, and Takanori blushed. _So his soulmate was an older guy. Great._

‘No, this is wrong. It’s 10. I was born at 8. This would have happened two hours ago.’ this couldn’t be right. Something was broken probably.

‘Apparently you weren’t. Your parents got the time wrong probably. Anyway, happy birthday.You’re kind of an adult now!’ he could hear a chuckle and that had been the weirdest part so far. A stranger was chuckling in his head.

‘Stop repeating that. I’m not gonna thank you.’

‘And why not?’

‘Because I don’t want you. I don’t want this. I don’t want this! Leave me alone!’ he felt himself hyperventilating, this was bad. He wanted to shout but he knew his father would hear. If his father heard, he’d know, and if he knew, it would ruin his life. ‘Just your existence is ruining my life!’ he went on, eyes watering up. He hated this. _Why did it have to happen?_ He almost thought he was safe for another year.

He couldn’t breathe so he started coughing. The air went down his throat, it went down wrong, he swallowed the oxygen, he swallowed it to his chest-- he forgot how to breathe. _Fuck, how do you breathe?_ He tried to inhale but the lump in his throat appeared again and he had no way of taking proper breaths instead of very ragged ones. He fell on the floor and he felt his eyes ache as he rubbed them furiously.

This was too much. Not only the excuse his father needed for cutting him off from the world even more appeared, but suddenly he couldn’t hide anything. He had always been alone, at school and every other place you’d normally socialize or make friends, and he had always hidden his real thoughts and feelings. Suddenly, this was taken from him, by a stranger no less. It scared him, having the wall he had built crumbling down in a matter of seconds. He felt vulnerable, exposed, panicked, he couldn’t hide, his thoughts were an open book, his mind invaded by a guy he didn’t even know, he’d be made fun of, _his only safe place ruined_ \--

‘Hey hey, calm down. Please? Just breathe. In and out. Focus on my… voice. Stop thinking so much.’ the command helped him relax. He did as he was told, focusing on that foreign voice. It really had an effect on him, and he was thankful. It had been overwhelming. ‘What about your father?’ the question made the brunet’s eyes widen, realizing that since he had thought about his father the other could hear it and as he focused on trying not to bring any of it in his head, that only resulted in all the memories flooding back. This was the worst. A single tear ran down his cheek, he didn’t want something so private exposed to a stranger just like that. ‘Oh. I… I’m sorry. I am. If I could somehow control this I’d do anything to help you and not get you in trouble with him. But I’m as helpless as you are.’ the voice was apologetic. It calmed him down a bit.

‘Can you stop seeing my memories?’ he inquired, _how did he do this?_ He didn’t remember being told that this was possible.

‘I’m not. You’re just thinking about it all very loudly.’

‘Then why can’t I see any such thoughts of yours and can only hear when you’re addressing me?’

‘I...’ a pause. ‘I’m just not thinking about anything else right now. I usually don’t think about more things than one at the same time. You have a lot of things on your mind. You think… loudly. I’m trying to avoid hearing any of that but they’re literally in my head. Hey did you just think that I’m stupid?’

For the first time in a week, Takanori laughed. ‘It’s not my fault. You literally said _‘you can’t think about more things than one at the same time’_. You must think very little if you have no other thoughts in your mind right now.’

‘Well, I think I’m glad you’re my soulmate. You’re cute. I hope I can help you in your goals.’

The teenager felt his cheeks heat up again. He felt embarrassed and his heart fluttered. It had never been as easy talking with someone. He had never been able to talk with someone in general, in fact. This situation might be weird and he had no choice in the matter, but it felt good to be comfortable like this. It felt good to be technically unable to hide himself behind a mask. He knew the other probably could hear all those thoughts, but it wasn’t addressed. He was grateful.

‘So… a thing you’ll need to tell me, since you don’t really think about it, is your name. What’s your name?’

‘Takanori. So you’re Akira.’ he smiled, it was a nice name.

‘Same could be told about yours. I can already think of two possible nicknames.’

‘I just heard them and I hate them both. So don’t.’

‘Are you always so hostile?’ he’d never get used to hearing someone laugh in his head.

‘Listen, I’ll be straight with you.’ he could almost hear the mocking before it even happened so he rolled his eyes. ‘Oh shut up you know what I mean. I don’t want to meet you, know where you live or even see your photo. I want to focus on my school completely for this year so I can get into the university I want and leave this house. I won’t have a stranger distracting me from this goal.’ he was stern with this. Yes, Akira seemed like an okay guy but he could wait. He wasn’t going to waste time and his chance of getting out of here for the sake of someone he didn’t know just because some stupid power decided they were soulmates.

The only good thing about it was that not even soulmates could read randomly in thoughts a house address, except if it was specifically thought out to the other. It was something the human brain developed over time for security and safety reasons. He never quite understood how, but he was glad it happened. He guessed he couldn’t understand how two random people could start hearing each other’s thoughts all of sudden either, so whatever.

‘Okay I… get that. I’ll try to help you, but I’m not very good at school. I got into university mostly by getting points from sports. Oh speaking of which, what the hell were you saying when we first connected?’

Takanori chuckled slightly, yeah, that. He figured the other would have been confused. With a sniff, he regained his composure. This was less awkward than he had expected, at least.

‘Oh that was… Hume. Philosophy. Guess you wouldn’t know. I heard something about… boobs?’ yeah, what was that? In his confusion and need to shake that off he hadn’t understood what was going on.

There was complete silence for a moment with just the knowledge that Akira was actually embarrassed. ‘I… was with a girl. We were about to… yeah.’

‘Oh that’s a great first impression for my soulmate. A random stranger huh. ’ the younger one rolled his eyes at the extra piece of information he acquired. _So his soulmate was also a fuckboy._ Who knows what kind of diseases he carried.

‘I’m actually still at her house so I’m gonna go now.’

 

***

 

Akira could almost hear the way Takanori rolled his eyes. He didn’t object to him thinking of him as a fuckboy though. He had to show him otherwise; but that first impression wasn’t something he could dispute. _It isn't much of a lie either,_ he thought bitterly; he didn’t blame him.

“So indeed your soulmate then?”

Smiling sheepishly at the girl, he nodded. This was awkward. He explained to her briefly what he thought was happening a bit before finally addressing the voice in his head. “It seems this is the time we connected”.

“Yeah. You seemed focused.” she sighed, all she wanted was to have sex with the blond and his soulmate decided it would be a good time to have his birthday. “I hope it wasn’t too awkward, though.” she figured, it would have been worse if it had been a few minutes later than that. So the other was almost lucky.

“I’m sorry about this. It’s not like I could know.” he was grateful that she was so understanding, though.

“I get it. You should probably go, you two have a lot… to talk? I think? About.” she seemed uncomfortable approaching this subject. It wasn’t as if she had spoken with her own soulmate yet, so she had no idea how to go about it. Especially since she had almost fucked the blond. He had been in that position, so he nodded. Thanking her and apologizing once more, he left the house.

‘Hey no stop. I’m not an idiot. But I couldn’t just storm out and then talk to you. All this philosophy talk was really weirding me out.’ the blond tried to focus both on the voice in his head and the road, getting to the bus stop. His apartment wasn’t too far, thankfully.

‘Well I’m sorry for choosing an inconvenient hour to be born.’

Although this was said in a mostly joking manner, it was still a thought. So the other was unable to hide the bitter undertone and the following thought of _‘my birth is an inconvenience in general as I’ve been told’._

The older boy sat far back on the bus when it arrived, so he wouldn’t be seen with expressions randomly changing and be thought of as a weirdo. Although people would probably just guess what was up, it still felt weird and new to him. ‘That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry. I told you I’m glad it’s you. It was just unexpected. It always is, I suppose.’ he sighed, and the other knew it was sincere.

‘Whatever. Don’t miss your stop’ he had been lucky Takanori said that because he almost did. He had been very distracted. ‘Yeah, I know you were. It’s why I reminded you’. _Smartass_. He walked inside the apartment block, to finally get home. He wished the boy wouldn’t make fun of him all the time. ‘It’s not my fault you’re an idiot’.

Akira was unlocking his apartment at that moment and narrowed his eyes. ‘Shouldn’t you respect me? I’m older than you.’

‘You’re also the guy who invaded my thoughts with sex commentary, so no’. _Touché._

He took off his clothes and changed into the sweatpants he slept with and a white tank top. He laid on the bed, finally able to relax in his bed and just focus on the matter at hand.

‘Can you stop? All this thinking about philosophy is giving me a headache. I have no idea what it’s even about.’

‘ _...considering how the velocity of the spherical In-Wave changes as they flow in through other matter in the space around them, I guess we could determine--_ hey I’m not going to stop my hobbies and interests because you don’t feel comfortable with them. You could instead try to understand and discuss it with me. It wouldn’t hurt you, you’d just stop being ignorant.’

‘Sure. This has stopped sounding like philosophy 3 paragraphs ago.’

‘You need physics to understand philosophy.’ Akira could hear the condescending tone in his mind. He rolled his eyes.

‘Put your book away for a bit. I know what you said, but let’s at least talk a bit? Just for today. We’re gonna practically live in each other’s mind now on, let’s at least not be strangers.’ he almost pleaded, he actually really wanted to know the other. They were soulmates, but he couldn’t figure out why just yet. _Why? What made them soulmates?_ There had to be a reason. He was always curious over how this worked and this was his chance to learn.

Takanori grunted. ‘Fine. What do you want to know?’

‘Why is your father so insensitive and against soulmates? Surely your mother must be his soulmate. He has been in that place so why-- _oh._ ’

‘Yeah… they’re really not soulmates. My dad’s soulmate died a bit after they connected and my mom chose to marry him instead of her soulmate, for some reason. She still speaks with that dude, though. I don’t know why and how, and why isn’t this really awkward for both of them. I have the increasing suspicion that my mother just doesn’t think at all and that’s how it worked out so far.’

‘So that’s why your father is like that.’ the blond hummed in thought. _Maybe he was jealous that his son got what he lost. While his wife never lost it, and he felt threatened._ At least, Akira would if he married someone without being their soulmate and they maintained contact with their actual soulmate. He wasn’t even sure how this happened. Especially without ever meeting them, and the connection was still just going. Wouldn’t it be better if they had at least met so the contact would be severed? It’d make more sense, at least. _If you’re not going to get together with your soulmate, the least you could do was meet them just so you can move on properly. That wouldn’t happen though, since he had Taka--_

‘Stop thinking stupid things like that. So far all I’ve told you was that I don’t even want to see your face and you’re already planning out our marriage.’

Akira flushed slightly, it wasn’t as if he could control his thoughts. If it went on like that the whole thing would be exhausting. ‘I just-- I get it. I mean your father is an asshole, and I hope you get away from him. But at least we know the reason he’s an asshole. He’s hiding his insecurities by abusing his teenage son.’ he felt angry right then. _How could someone be such an asshole?_ The boy was just that, a boy, a still teenage boy who so far didn’t seem like a bad person at all. He seemed intelligent, and witty, judging from their interactions so far. Not that any sort of child that age deserved such treatment, of course. He wished he knew where Takanori lived so he’d go and punch his father.

‘I hope you don’t believe I’ll appreciate you wanting to punch my father. I don’t care so you can’t win me over that way.’ that was what he thought out to the other, but they both knew his inner thoughts had a different opinion. It wasn’t addressed. ‘I’ll go sleep. It’s been a long day and I have school tomorrow. Do exactly as you’ve been doing so far and don’t think.’ easy enough, the blond thought. No problem. No problem at all. Piece of cake. Not think? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Lemmony squeezily easily peasily. Lemonadey cake pieces. Piece of cake. Slice of pie. Slice of cake. Piece of pie. Slicy pie. Lemon pie. Lemon c-- ‘I said stop thinking, fuck’s sake. Go to sleep.’ okay, he deserved that.

He turned the light off and got under the blanket. He’d normally text Kouyou about this, but with his soulmate disappearing that would probably be insensitive. He’d only tell him if he came to the university tomorrow. He closed his eyes, smiling at how the other finally seemed not to emit any thoughts. Thoughts. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight letters. Eight. One, two, three, four, five letters. Five. One, two, three, four letters. It was four letters. Letters. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven letters. Seven. One, two, three, four, five letters. Five again, so four. Then the theory that every word was actually four was correct. Correct. One, two--

‘Oh my god dude shut the fuck up. I’m trying to sleep. It’s 3 a.m.!’ his train of thought was suddenly interrupted but then all he could think of was three. One, two, three, four, f-- ‘If you don’t stop right now I promise to stay awake until the morning reading Hume and analyzing his theories and then I’ll be sleep deprived and will curse you in my head until I finally get some sleep’

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose. Goodnight.’

‘Night, weirdo.’

Couldn’t blame him. Although it wasn’t as if he could control those late-night thoughts. He could almost hear the next threat so he did his best to empty his mind and quickly fell asleep. It had been a very long day.

 

***

 

It didn’t take long for both of the boys to realize that they couldn’t just shrug the whole thing off.

For starters, hearing someone in your head all the time was exhausting enough. Akira seemed not to mind too much, talking to someone 24/7. It was probably because he was used to socializing a lot, so it’d take more than that for him to get annoyed.

Takanori however, wasn’t used to talking with anyone at all.

The sudden change was a big difference with how his days were until now. He rarely spoke but his mind was always swirling with thoughts. Having someone else’s random thoughts suddenly voiced in his head, or even a still complete stranger trying to chat him up at random moments, wasn’t something he was used to, or wanted for that matter. It had interrupted his studying, reading, or just thinking. Every time he felt himself relax and disappear into his own thoughts, suddenly he heard the familiar-by-now-voice and groaned out loud. Despite their agreement to try not to address each other much at least, so Takanori would be able to focus on his school, the older one seemed unable to keep himself from trying to talk with him. It had been like this eversince they first connected three days ago. Just like now.

‘Do you ever think about how stressed backwards can be read as--’

‘Akira honestly I don’t fucking care. It’s 8 a.m., I need to get ready for school.’

‘Oh right. I’ll also get ready I guess.’

The brunette rolled his eyes. _Why did the other think he cared about that information?_ He finished dressing up, and went to the kitchen, relieved to find it empty. A fleeting thought about eating breakfast this time was dismissed almost immediately. Or at least, he tried to dismiss it.

‘Hey hey, shouldn’t you eat? I keep hearing you think that you don’t need to eat. I don’t want my soulmate passing out in front of his teachers.’ Akira’s voice in his head was stern, and if it hadn’t been literally in his head maybe he wouldn’t hear the worry in it. But he did, and having someone worrying about him was new. He hated how he could be read like that though, even if a small part of him didn’t mind it. He would never admit it, not even to himself.

Another thing that kept happening those couple of days was that the other kept referring to him as his _‘soulmate’_. It’d be a lie if he said he didn’t feel his heart flutter every time, although he was unsure why would he insist on reminding them both.

‘It just has a nice ring to it,’ he could get that, he guessed. _Or not_. Actually, not really. That was just an excuse; he knew deep inside that Akira just wanted to point it out, liked to hear it.

‘Still. Stop that. And also don’t tell me what to do. I could handle myself before I had a babysitter. Actually, just stop telling me anything at all. Do you always have to talk to me?’ he questioned, leaving the apartment. He flinched when he saw his neighbour from the apartment across him already in the elevator, but he entered anyway before the doors were closed. It was a bit awkward, and so were both their smiles as they looked at each other before averting their gazes.

That was such an awesome way to start this day. He had an idiot in his head who couldn’t get a hint, and he had to be in the same space as his neighbour, who he only knew by the loud music he sometimes put on in the middle of the night. _And his fucking parties._ To be fair, he’d probably curse about anyone he saw that day. Akira had irked him enough to swear at this random stranger who did nothing wrong in particular, at that moment.

‘I just noticed that you don’t really talk with anyone, so I thought I’d chat with you at least. Isn’t it refreshing having someone to talk to?’ what made him angry was that the other knew that somewhere he did think it was refreshing. Especially since he wasn’t going to really hide anything behind a mask, a wall he created for himself. He couldn’t. It was indeed, refreshing. Feeling vulnerable, his true self completely exposed with no way of hiding it, but still being accepted, if Akira’s chats were any sort of indication that he was accepted. Yet the question was made with the sole purpose that he admits it, and he wasn’t gonna have it.

As if. ‘It’s not. I like being able to think clearly and with you I can’t. You also distract me during my classes. I told you I want to focus on school.’ he hurriedly left the elevator and went for the bus stop that would take him to his school, glad to be alone again. Well, physically at least. ‘You can’t start telling me conspiracy theories like how our life could be just a video game when I’m at my biology class.’

‘You hate biology.’

‘Of course I do but I need to study it!’ he rolled his eyes, sitting down when the bus came. Again with the ‘666’ curved in front of him. He hadn’t noticed he sat there so much. ‘It’s my worst grade and if I don’t get better...’ he huffed, unconsciously tagging at his sleeves. He didn’t want to get into this again.

‘You’re right. I’ll do my best to stop when you’re at school’. Well, he didn’t expect that. Especially he didn’t expect that the other didn’t start pestering him about his fa-- ‘Why don’t you go to the police?’ _...and there he was._

‘Don’t be an idiot. I can’t do that,’ it wasn’t that simple. If he did, his mother would also get in trouble for not doing anything all those years. And maybe she deserved it, maybe he was bitter towards her too, but he knew his mother. She was the only person that actually loved him, and he couldn’t lose that. She was just naive, weak, and maybe that didn’t excuse her but Takanori needed her still. Besides, if the government was to take care of him and shut him in some sort of center, since he was underage, it’d be even worse. In a few months he’d be able to finally leave and study something, perhaps taking on a job too so he could support himself. _Just a bit patience, and he’d be out of there._

He decided to ignore Akira’s passing thought that, he could be the one to love him.

 

***

 

Akira had just arrived at his university, trying to keep his mind clear of thoughts. Something that, as his soulmate didn’t fail to remind him, _should be very easy for someone of his intelligence._ He knew he should have probably been offended but something in Takanori made it impossible to take such words to heart.

He had just told Kouyou about it all. If it was under any other circumstances, the reaction would have probably been extreme and his friend would have been very excited, since he had been always pestering him about those things. But, as expected, with everything going on he gave him a sad smile and hugged him to congratulate him. Or maybe he just hugged him in need of comfort. Nevertheless, the blond avoided talking about it with him after that.

_“I connected with my soulmate.”_

_His best friend had looked surprised for a quick second, and then he looked down sadly. In a blink, he was smiling softly and leaning over to give the blond a small hug. They were in class, but the teachers didn’t care what you did during the lecture as long as you didn’t cause any noise. So they stayed like that for a while, Akira hugging his friend almost just as tightly, apologetically. He felt bad that it had to be now. If Yutaka was still there, Kouyou would have been so excited, he would go on and on about his experience; but there was nothing to be said now. His friend had lost any hope that he’d find him, and he had started doubting he was even alive. He sighed and pulled back, seeing slightly watered up eyes._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Don’t be, dumbass. I’m happy for you. I hope you meet him soon.”_

Of course he couldn’t tell him how his soulmate was a little asshole who for now borderline hated hi-- ‘Am I wrong?’ he thought and chuckled to himself, as he heard his soulmate’s protest at the word _‘asshole’_.

‘If you call me anything like that again I’ll kick your ass.’

‘You’ll have to meet me to do that sweetie.’

He hadn’t told anyone else yet though. The others were certain something was up, since suddenly he became so reserved, not flirting anymore, not asking to go for drinks. But they couldn’t guess why. Every time he unconsciously flirted with someone thoughts of Takanori at the back of his mind made him feel guilty until he stopped it completely.

This was the hard part for him. He suddenly went, from flirting with anyone he found interesting and having a new fling every week, to nothing in two days. Worst of all was that, he had thoughts he couldn’t control every time he saw someone he liked physically and he knew Takanori could hear them. He mostly didn’t comment on them, and since he couldn’t exactly hear feelings he had no idea how did the other feel about them. It wasn’t as if he could help it either.

‘Yeah boohoo, sorry I’m getting in the way of your one-night-stands soulmate.’ the comment was dripping with sarcasm and Akira flinched.

‘It’s not about that. I don’t want you to hear any of that--’

‘Sad that you can’t lie to me and say you’ve waited for your soulmate your whole life and other cheesy bullshit?’ now he could detect some bitterness, and he bit his lip, looking around.

‘That’s not what I meant, Takanori and you know it full well. I don’t think you need to hear those thoughts. I’m not interested in any of that anymore anyway, but because I was used to it--’ for the second time he was cut off and he huffed exasperated, trying not to make the teacher suspicious.

‘Not interested? Surely that’s why you keep looking. Oh I forgot. Habits.’ the brunette didn’t know why he was even arguing. He didn’t care. Still it was annoying that the other was trying to present himself as a child of God now.

‘I mean it, okay? You might not believe me, which is stupid because you can literally read my mind, but yeah I don’t care about others anymore. Even if I did, I wouldn’t want you to hear all that. Not so you wouldn’t know and I could lie, but because I’m sure it must be uncomfortable.’

‘Whatever. I’m not interested in you anyway.’

That kind of stung, but Akira was used to it already so he did his best to dismiss it. That was enough mocking he got for one day. He tried to focus on his own class, something he never did. It was the only way not to bother his soulmate as much. And yet…

_‘...when chromatids break at 2 places and when rejoining the middle piece rotates and joins in an inverted position… huh… why would the book use such a complicated answer for such a simple thing...’_

He was starting to get a headache with all that bullshit in his head. But he had promised not to bother the other in biology anymore. He knew that when he was focused like this, his thoughts weren’t really heard. Well, they were but they were ignored, except if he mentioned the cute name that belonged--

‘My name is not cute. Now try focusing on your own thing because thinking about me isn’t helping either.’ With a sigh, he did his best to do just that, for the rest of his class, trying to keep himself from looking at his best friend. He knew his head would be filled with thoughts again.

“Are you okay?”

Kouyou’s voice made his head snap to his side; he hadn’t realized he had been looking down. It was unlike him, after all. Not only that, he hadn’t even been thinking, but he had been thoughtful. He had just been staring on the ground with an empty gaze, because his mind was so full that it was empty. Yet all he could hear, was Takanori’s studying. “Yeah, sorry. I’m just… trying to get accustomed to this, you know?” he chewed his lip. He didn’t really want to bring it up, and the other didn’t seem too keen on it either. “Wanna come over?” he asked suddenly, panicking right after. Part of him didn’t really want that, he wanted to spend time with Takanori, learning about him, and it hadn’t even been a day so the mixed thoughts--

‘Don’t be a coward. Stick to that plan. I told you I don’t want to talk with you so much and I also don’t want to feel responsible for your lack of socializing.’ the voice in his head told him, monotonously. _Because that would guilt me into actually talking with you_ , he heard the thought continue involuntarily. Whatever.

“A-Ah… yeah, actually. It’s been so long since I last did, huh? I’ve been a shitty friend.” Akira hated it when his friend acted that way. He had always found ways of telling himself off, and it wasn’t really his fault, it was that monster of a man who made him that way, and it had gotten better with Yutaka but now…

“No, come on. I never once thought of that. You’ve always been there when I needed you.” _no matter what_ , he added in his head. He could faintly hear Takanori questioning that thought, but it would require a very long and thought-out explanation that he wasn’t currently willing to give. “We’ll pick up pizza on our way back, sounds good?” he smiled, relief washing over him as he finally saw the taller youth smile back.

“Sounds awesome.”

 

***

 

“Grab me a beer, will you?”

The blond had actually missed Kouyou’s company like this, sitting on the couch and playing racing games without even paying much attention to them, while they talked idly. He realized that only when he did as he was told, opening the fridge to grab a beer, noticing how the six-pack he had solely bought for the honey-blond had been left untouched for weeks. He felt guilty, considering the situation, but he shook it off.

‘Hey, you’re not gonna get drunk or anything, right? I really need to study.’

This made him chuckle softly. He didn’t know why, instead of being tired of this attitude, he just found it funny. _Cute._ He smiled at the other’s protest at this characterization. ‘I’m not planning to. I don’t drink beer, anyway. It’s for Kou.’ he explained, heading back to the couch.

They were sitting on the floor in front of the TV, backs and elbows supported on the couch’s seats, the pizza in front of them as they played. It was a bit of normalcy he had missed slightly between them. It was good to know that, even if his life suddenly changed, he still had his best friend.

‘Yeah, a best friend to keep things normal when an annoyance, or a inconvenience happens, huh...’ the tone was bitter and slightly jealous, and the blond looked at his friend, who seemed strangely immersed to the game, before pretending to focus on it as well.

‘That’s not my point. We just haven’t been as close the past year. Well that’s a lie, I guess we just haven’t hang out much. And yeah, with something that big happening in my life, I’m glad he’s actually, indeed here.’

‘If by that big, you mean connecting with me, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t describe it as something big. Everyone connects with their soulmate sooner or later. It’s nothing special.’

‘The fact that it happens to everyone doesn’t make it any less special, Taka.’ Akira shot back, not missing a beat. He was aware that maybe it was cheesy of him, and unexpected of someone with his reputation, but the concept of soulmates had always fascinated him. _Two people who were absolutely perfect for each other--_

His train of thoughts was suddenly interrupted, stopped, his mind completely blank. Because in one swift movement, Kouyou, his best friend, had turned towards him and leaned in and now there was a pair of lips against his own as his eyes, wide, surprised, stared at the closed ones right in front of them. For a moment he remained still, until there was a hand on his shoulder and pizza and beers were pushed aside, the other climbing on his lap as his eyes finally fell closed. He was in a trance as his lips hesitantly moved against soft ones, his arm slowly circling the honey-blond’s waist. He grunted as lips broke away for a very quick second before recapturing his own, and the tighter he closed his eyes, the less he realized what was happening. When he felt a tongue prodding at his lips, that was when his eyes shot open again.

“Kouyou what are you doing?!” he yelled, confused, pushing the other away. And what was he doing? He wasn’t sure. “You know I-- and you--” he looked away, _this wasn’t meant to happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen._

Kouyou’s own eyes were wide as he supported a palm against the floor, holding himself up once he was pushed away. He watched the blond get up and his eyes watered up, sitting straight. “Aki I’m sorry, please don’t be mad.” he whispered weakly. He knew this hadn’t been fair. “I just called out to you and you weren’t responding and wouldn’t look at me and I guessed you were talking with him and I thought of Yutaka and--”

“Calm down.” Akira sighed, running a hand through his head. “I’m not angry, Kou. Not with you. Never with you.” he bit his lip, and he understood, really. It didn’t mean it didn’t bother him, the other knew how he felt, how he felt towards his soulmate. Especially if he had done this specifically because he had seemed to be busy with Takanori. It wasn’t nice of him, sure, but that didn’t mean Kouyou could do something like _that_.

‘He did what?!’

‘I thought you didn’t care.’ he discreetly pursed his lips at Takanori’s reaction, he had a feeling though, from before… _jealousy._

‘I’m not jealous.’ his soulmate thought loudly, which made it less believable. He shrugged it off for now. He had to focus on his friend.

He sat on the couch and patted the seat next to him, motioning for Kouyou to join him. The game was back at its main menu since they both lost, having discarded their controllers. When the other sat down, he closed his eyes with a deep breath and then looked at him. No, he couldn’t be mad at him, he thought, as he saw the other’s tear stained cheeks. Not after everything they've both been through.

“Kou… talk to me. I’m not angry with you. You’re my best friend. I know you better than that.” he smiled softly, encouraging him to talk. He put a hand on his shoulder, knowing the contact would calm him down, no less.

“I just… I’m broken, Aki, Yutaka disappeared and he's probably dead and I’ll never find him again and I’ll fall behind, and you found yours and I know it’s hypocritical of me to say it but what if you leave me, please I...” he started having a hiccup, he couldn’t breathe well as tears had started falling down again.

The blond got up immediately and get him some water, and the sob that echoed in his apartment made him hurry up, not wanting him to think he left because he was angry. Soon he was back at his seat, handing glass of water to Kouyou. It broke his heart to see his best friend, his best friend since childhood, his first friend and maybe his only friend, like this. He always hated to see him cry. He had hated everyone who ever made him cry. “I promise you that it won’t happen.” he said, determined. He was never planning on leaving him, of course. Yeah, talking with Takanori while he was with him wasn’t nice at all but he also didn’t have many choices on that. He also realized that, without a soulmate, or rather, with his soulmate vanished, the other felt broken, he felt like an outcast, and the fact that now he himself connected with his own definitely wasn’t helping. “Kou… soulmates don’t define us. Many people have ceased contact with their soulmates. It doesn’t make you weird. You’re still Kouyou. You were Kouyou before Yutaka too, you know. Don’t think of yourself as anything less than that just because...” he trailed off, glad to finally see the other calm down, drinking the water.

“I-I know. I’m sorry, Aki. I’m such a shitty friend...”

“You’re not. You’ve been the best friend I could ask for, and you know it.” he chuckled, as if the other didn’t remember. He just had to remind him from time to time, it seemed. “I’m sorry for not listening to you, though. Conversations just start, sometimes...”

“Yeah,” his friend was quick to cut him off, smiling slightly. “I know.” he closed his eyes, thinking about Yutaka. He had gotten used to someone commenting on his thoughts. He’d have to grow out of it, he guessed.

Akira flushed him a grin, wanting to change the mood a bit. “Let’s watch a movie?”

 

***

 

‘So,’ he smirked uncontrollably, unable to contain his excitement as he addressed his soulmate. ‘Jealous of Kouyou, huh?’ he knew he was gonna get cursed at but fuck was it worth it. His friend had left a few minutes ago, even if he had told him he could stay over. Maybe it had been too much for one day.

‘You are so close and he kissed you, how can you--’ seemed like Takanori caught himself pretty quickly, but he still smiled at how cute it was that he couldn’t really control his thoughts. ‘I said I’m not jealous. It’s annoying to hear about your hook-ups, though.’ of course, that’s how it would go.

A sigh. ‘Good thing it’s not a hook-up, then. Kouyou is just… not very well lately.’ he looked down, he should have been there for him more, he realized. ‘I’m sure he won’t do anything like that again, but it’s nice to know you care enough to be jealous.’ he grinned, unable to hold back the teasing.

‘I told you, it’s just inconvenient to hear about your hook-ups. Wouldn’t it annoy you to hear about mine?’

‘It would. Because I’d be jealous. I don’t want you to be with anyone else, Taka.’ his heartbeat slightly picked up pace at the thought of his soulmate with someone else. He had made himself clear about how he felt. _Of course he’d be jealous._

‘Whatever. Just let me study.’ dismissal. But he knew Takanori by now. Whenever he dismissed him like that, he just felt nice, and he didn’t want to say it. It made him snort.

‘Do you ever take a moment to look at the stars?’ he asked, opening the window. It was chilly, but the sky wasn’t that cloudy. The winter sky was his favourite. He could see Orion and the Gemini constellations, both of which were very bright. The moon was pretty small today, so more stars were visible. He was always thankful for this apartment being outside of the city, since the light pollution wasn’t as strong and he could see the brighter stars.

‘No, why would I do that? I have more important stuff to do, like study. Looking at nothing in particular isn’t a good way to pass the time.’

‘You’re… wrong. You can find yourself just by looking at the stars.’

‘Or you can do it through a book, and learn other things too. If I someday have time I might learn the constellations.’ _no, this wasn’t what it was about. It wasn’t a task. It wasn’t supposed to be._

‘Hush.’ he shook his head at the other’s surprise; hushing his thoughts? Well, yeah.

‘Hush?’ there was slight irritation there, he knew. He nodded, even if he couldn’t be seen. He smiled at the moon, eyes wandering to the bright dots scattered around. He wished to go further someday, somewhere that the sky was full of stars. He knew he could have it worse, and he was thankful. He just wished it was better.

Focused on his own thoughts, he tuned the other’s out. Looking at Orion’s belt, he smiled, thinking back to the past days. He was thankful for Takanori and despite knowing where his soulmate stood with him, he was determined to make him like him back, little by little, make him open up. He was aware he had already known him more than anyone else. And Kouyou. His friend finally seemed better today, despite it all. It was a rarity, but he felt optimistic for the future. He could hear Takanori’s involuntary thoughts about his own, _about how he wished to open up more as well._ Maybe he didn’t know what he was feeling, but he could guess. And his smile grew, his inner voice soft and caring as he addressed him again.

‘I wish you would look outside. The night sky is beautiful tonight.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got many feels during this chapter and I'm very sorry, but Akira's mind goes to shitposting mode after 12 am bc same. I hope the constant change of perspective isn't tiring y'all. It's necessary and unavoidable ok. A lot is happening and the more I write, the more ideas I get about everyone's story, so yeah.  
> Comments always make my day uwu


	4. Anyway you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of not posting this week but as I edited through this chapter and read y'all's comments I couldn't do it lol  
> Also it's DIM's 10th anniversary today!!! Wow

**'Don't forget me, don't forget me.**   
**I wouldn't leave you if you'd let me.**   
**When you met me when you met me.**   
**You told me you were gonna get me.'**

 

***

 

'You’ve spun around the Sun 18 times now, isn’t that weird? That’s what your age is. It seems like needing 18 years to spin just 18 times around it is such a long time, huh. But we’re at the same number of spins right now. Soon I’ll have spun around it 19 times, of course, but for now we’re on the same spin. I’m just way ahead.'

This was getting tiring.

The more time passed, the more Akira seemed to be comfortable and back, he guessed, to his very random and useless thoughts. Of course he did respect it when he asked him to shut up because he had to study, but he hated how he was nagged about _‘how much he was studying’_ and that _‘it was all he was doing’_. Yeah no shit. It was his only chance to get away from there. If wasting a year of his life meant freedom for the rest of it, it was a small price to pay.

‘Oh come on it’s a cool thing to think about.’

He rolled his eyes. _No, it was just a useless attempt to make something simple sound deep_. ‘And besides,’ he now addressed him, ‘I don’t care. I have history in a few minutes so don’t distract me.’

He ignored the faint whine and watched as his teacher walked in the classroom. He turned to his side so he would grab his book from his bag, when he noticed someone new to the desk across him. Could it be the transfer student he heard about? He never talked with anyone from his class but he knew all their names and how they looked like. Additionally, he did hear about a student transferring so late in the school year. All things considered, it was probably him, then. He shook his head and opened his book.

‘New student? How does he look?’ he couldn’t stop the involuntary thought of, _pretty hot_. He blushed slightly, now this was annoying. He couldn’t even admire someone’s appearance anymore, it seemed.

‘Hot? Hey, hey, remember you already have a soulmate. I’m here, okay? I also look good I can guarantee. Just don’t pay more attention to him.’ the words were almost desperate, something unusual coming from Akira. He wasn’t used to him being like that. It wasn’t even a big deal. He just thought he was hot.

Then again they had already established that in such situation the other would be jealous. It wasn’t as if he was doing it on purpose, but it was nice that their roles were reversed for once. ‘Weren’t you the one saying I should socialize more?’

‘But… this...’ a pause, he could hear the other calling himself selfish. He didn’t agree, and it made him chuckle lightly. It was kind of funny. He wasn’t used to this behavior at all. But if it made him shut up, he wouldn’t correct it either. ‘You’re right, but still, okay?’ he shook his head, focusing on his lesson.

‘You had three exercises for today. Matsumoto, collect everyone’s notebooks and bring them to me.’

His classmates groaned and he silently did as he was told, used to the curious glances from the others. He never talked with absolutely anyone, so he didn’t blame them for giving him strange looks. A couple of them snickered, but he dismissed it. They used to bully him but they had stopped the past two years, growing out of it, it seemed. So he didn’t particularly care for something that small. They also called him teacher’s pet, just because he was always on time, always getting good grades, always studying, paying attention. He didn’t know how securing his future made him a teacher’s pet. He wouldn’t complain much about the nerd part. It was true, he guessed, since he didn’t ever do anything other than studying.

‘You were bullied?’ oh no, not now. ‘I didn’t know.’ _Life has been hard on you, hasn’t it._ He wasn’t sure if what laced that thought was pity, but he hated it. He eyed the new student, unable to hide his surprise as he handed him a notebook. First day and he had completed assignments? That was new. Maybe he wasn’t as dumb as the others.

‘Many kids get bullied. Nothing strange about that.’ he didn’t want this conversation to go on, and it seemed as if Akira didn’t either for whatever reason. He could tell when he was trying to keep his head clear of thoughts, and it seemed like he was doing it at that moment.

_Whatever._

He returned to his seat and tried to shake off his curiosity over Akira’s sudden silence. It was enough for him that there was some silence, he decided, as he focused on his lesson.

After he put on his glasses, he looked at his book and followed the teacher’s words, underlining the parts that he deemed more important. He could tell when something was meant to be included in an answer, at a possible exam. He could also guess, by now, what bits were more probable to be included in said exam. It made his life easier, as far as cramming was concerned.

He flinched as he felt something thrown at his back. Then something hit his nape. He kept his gaze down, not willing to look bothered. Paper, he figured. The students behind him were probably bored and decided to have their own fun by trying to get him to pay attention to them. Yes, they had all mostly grown out of bullying but it didn’t mean it stopped completely, especially in moments like this. He believed they didn’t even think they were doing something wrong. How could they? They were all a bunch of idiots anyway.

‘Is someone bothering you?’ he hated that he liked the other’s worry. It was new, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. He wanted to ignore it. He failed.

‘Yeah, you. Focus on your shit and stay out of it.’ he sighed, besides it had stopped. Oh, another paper.

‘I don’t have any choice but to stay out of it, but maybe you should speak up? Don’t let them keep doing that shit to you.’ as if the guy would understand.

‘You don’t get it, do you? If I seem bothered, they’ll win. Best way to beat them is to ignore them.’

‘How has this worked out for you so far?’ well, it hadn’t. It wasn’t addressed.

‘Shut up. I liked you better when you didn’t sass back.’ he grumbled, turning the page.

 

***

 

The ringing bell was a relief. He usually liked history, but this has been a torture. A boring, boring torture. Or maybe it was the fact that balls of paper were being thrown at him the whole time that annoyed him. Putting his book in his bag was a relief either way.

“Hi.”

He felt himself jumping up in surprise, wide eyes shooting up at the source of his scare. The new student. He blinked, trying to find the words.

“Oh uh, hi?” he said unsure, what would he want from him?

“Sorry for scaring you, you seemed lost in thought.” Takanori bit his lip, _of course he did_. He was busy mocking his soulmate. “I’m Toshi, by the way. I just noticed those behind you throwing papers at you during the lesson and I don’t understand why--”

“Toshi, right?” Takanori questioned, voice dripping with sarcasm as he got up. He was obviously annoyed, by the way his eyebrow was arched. He didn’t need some condescending asshole at the moment. He nodded back at the other’s confused nod, both eyebrows arched as he obviously faked a smile. “Great. Well Toshi; that’s none of your business. Have a good day.” stupid hot asshole. First thing he did was try and meddle with his life. _No one meddled with his life._

‘Except me?’ the exaggerated, sweet tone made him crack a slight smile as he walked outside, getting to the bus station. He knew this was merely said jokingly, to make up his mood a bit. He knew the other wanted him to socialize with people; but apparently not with people he thought of as hot. It kind of made sense, he supposed.

‘Especially not you.’ he responded, sighing. He could hear how pleased the other was with what happened. Because it meant he had disliked Hot Guy and he wouldn’t pay him much attention. _Jerk._

At least he could finally go home. The apartment would be empty, still, and he had reached his limit for the day. He walked to the bus station, trying to keep his thoughts collected. Easier said than done.

‘If you think about it, muscles are technically brains, which means muscles are living organisms. Maybe you could even say they contain intelligence--’

‘Akira, this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You’ve never opened a biology book in your life, have you?’ muscles, organisms. What the hell. _Intelligence?_ Was that idiot trying to make himself feel better about his lack of actual brain?

‘Of course I have! I also have a lot of muscle. Does that mean my arms are intelligent?’

‘Very likely that your arms are more intelligent than you, yeah.’ he rolled his eyes, getting his headphones out. He was on the bus on his way home and he thought that maybe, he could handle some bullshit for now. But this was too much.

Although he had specifically asked the other not to describe him how he looked, now he had the information that he was probably well-built. Should have known, he did play basketball anyway. But it picked his interest and he hated it. He put on music full volume, to stop himself from trying to picture his soulmate and also not hear any more of those thoughts of his. He closed his eyes and focused on the music for the rest of the ride home, letting his head rest against the seat, eyes closing.

The empty apartment comforted him. He wished it’d stay like that for the rest of the school-year but he was probably asking for too much.

He also wished his head would be as empty, as far as intrusive thoughts were concerned.

‘I’m not an intrusive thought!’ despite it all, Takanori chuckled at that. Akira sounded genuinely offended.

‘You’re literally a series of intrusive thoughts. What, because you’re supposedly my soulmate it’s fine? Please.’ he said dismissively, ignoring the other’s thoughts. Yeah, maybe the guy felt hurt, but it was true, wasn’t it? He put his bag down and went in his room to change quickly, before once again going to the kitchen. He made a sandwich, not wanting to bother with actual cooking. Besides, he wasn’t really hungry. It was easy to once again ignore his soulmate; he didn’t need a babysitter. He wasn’t hungry, so a sandwich sufficed. Last thing he actually needed was someone telling him to eat better.

It seemed to work, ignoring his soulmate. Well it didn’t, but at least it stopped him from directly addressing him and starting a discussion. He had been feeling irritated with him, and although he wasn’t sure exactly why, he also didn’t think of it too weirdly. It made sense, one way or another.

‘Is this about Kou kissing me?’

Well that did it. He growled and got to his room, about to blast some music so he’d keep the other away from his thoughts. ‘You give yourself way too much credit. And don’t be so self-absorbed either.’ he huffed, he’d get his homework done later. He couldn’t concentrate at the moment, he knew that studying in that kind of mood would be in vain.

‘You seem to forget that I can read your mind quite literally. You’ve been thinking about it. But I told you--’

‘So yes, maybe I’m a little bothered by the fact that my soulmate is a jock who fucks and kisses whatever walks in front of him! Not only I have to go through this, now, but it has to be with someone like you. Of course I’m annoyed!’

‘This again. I told--’ _no._ He didn’t want to hear it.

‘Can you just do whatever it is you’re doing? I don’t want to have to deal with you.’ that phrase seemed to strike a nerve, because something in Akira’s thoughts and tone changed. But he already turned on the music, and despite his slight curiosity, he pushed it aside. He didn’t really care. Right? Besides, he doubted anything the other thought about was of importance. He was a stupid jock who only managed to get ahead because of sports and his likeability.

 

***

 

Whenever Takanori wanted to end a discussion, he put on music.

It was pretty annoying, and this way Akira never got to explain himself, and it was also the way his chats always got interrupted. He didn’t know why. He thought they had been getting along, he thought his soulmate had started liking him even a little and would hear him out, let them talk, but instead he seemed to want to talk to him less by the minute. It was stressing him out.

The younger boy was done with classes later than him. In the meantime he was at his basketball practice, frowning at his best friend’s absence. He hadn’t seen him after the incident, although he had gotten a reply to his text when he checked up on him. It didn’t seem like things were awkward; not that he ever feared they would be. A comfort kiss over something like that was too minor for their friendship to waver, and nothing new, if he was honest. But he didn’t know if the team captain would allow him to keep skipping practice; at this rate they’d kick him out. He shook it off and went back to playing, since playing basketball distracted him and kept his mind empty. This way he wouldn’t bother Takanori in class. He felt sweat building up in his body, running down his temple, arms and chest as he ran up and down the stadium. He hadn’t played that enthusiastically in a while.

As he sat on the bench to drink water and wipe off the sweat after the game, he pulled his phone out. He stared at his conversation with his best friend; he didn’t want to be pushy but he also knew that sometimes the other needed that.

 

_Where are you?_

 

He didn’t really expect for the honey-blond to see it quickly, he was rarely close to his phone. He looked up as his team-captain approached him with a smile.

“Have you been practicing by yourself? You were even better today.”

“Not really. I guess I just had a lot of built-up stress,” specifically, he had someone stressing him out a lot.

‘ _Excuse_ me?’

Ignoring the annoyed voice in his head, he went on. “I’m sorry if I seemed like I was slacking off lately.”

“Don’t worry, we don’t really have any important games coming up anyway. But thanks for reminding me what a good player you are. Are you going to join us for drinks tonight?”

He had expected that proposition. Part of him wanted to. He hadn’t gone out in a couple of days and he had started feeling pretty anti-social. He always used to go out, every single day, and while he liked talking with Takanori he had missed actually seeing people and being there physically. He was an outgoing person and he liked seeing people, he liked interacting with them. Besides, 80% of the time he talked with Takanori, he was just mocked. He bit his lip nervously. ‘Should I?’ he asked in his head, waiting for the incoming thought. He felt weird asking for permission, but then again it wasn’t exactly permission. He just didn’t wish to bother the other.

‘Why do you think I give a shit? Go drink your ass off. Maybe that will help you shut up and let me study.’

That hostility had started tiring him out. It wasn’t his fault. He had even proposed meeting and talking with the other once face-to-face just so the whole thing would stop. Yeah, it didn’t bother him, but if it helped the younger one focus on his goals he was willing to do it, even with the risk of losing him forever. Especially if they did it now, before Takanori liked him in the least. However he was turned down. The teen said that he didn’t want to risk taking an interest in the blond from talking with him face-to-face, because even if they didn’t talk for the next months, he was afraid he’d be thinking about him. He couldn’t have that. But there was _nothing_ more Akira could do. It had only been a few days but he kept making sacrifices and respecting the other’s wishes; just to be mocked.

‘Okay that’s it. Once I’m home, we have to talk.’ he said decisively, grabbing his backpack.

‘And what are we doing now then?’

‘You know what I mean.’ he turned to his confused leader, who still waited for an answer. “I just remembered I have plans. Sorry. Maybe next time?” he smiled sheepishly, and left without waiting for an answer. He needed to take the first bus home. The other was already home by now, anyway.

 

_Sorry for skipping again. I promise to come tomorrow. Thank you for lending me the racing game by the way._

 

Well that was quicker than he had expected. And he supposed he could assume that the other was finally getting it together. This was good enough for him.

 

_Anything for my bro._

 

‘You’re so fucking cheesy.’

‘You don’t have to be jealous. All you have to do is literally stop being so cold to me.’ he climbed on the bus, sitting at the front half. He wanted to be close to the door for now.

‘Get into your thick skull that I’m not jealous. I can’t avoid your thoughts and it’s annoying me.’

Well, _that was unnecessarily mean_. It wasn’t addressed.

 

***

 

After doing the dishes (or in better words, the one dish he ate in), Takanori went to his bedroom and laid on the bed. He hadn’t eaten much, just enough to make up for the meals he had skipped. All the while arguing with Akira, who was still on his way.

‘I don’t understand why you’re acting as if I’m ruining your life.’

‘Because you are. You’re an intruder. I don’t need anyone intruding my mind.’

‘You’re as much of an intruder.’

‘It’s different.’

‘How?’

‘Because my mind is all I have left!’ he gripped the blankets, trying to keep his anger at bay. ‘I have nothing except for my mind and thoughts while the only thing you’re missing because of me is getting off with strangers!’

‘Okay listen I’m almost at my apartment, I’d rather not do this while crossing the road’.

If Akira heard his thoughts about how it’d be a relief if he were hit by a car, he didn’t think anything about it. He wasn’t sure if he was that good at controlling his thoughts after all or he just didn’t understand. Nevertheless a relief; he hadn’t meant it.

‘Taka.’

‘Don’t call me that.’

‘Taka I’m sorry, okay? There’s nothing I can do. There’s only one solution and you didn’t want it. Why do you hate me so much?’ the blond’s heart ached, a bit. He was glad the other couldn’t possibly know how he was feeling. Amidst the mocking, the teasing and the banter that happened the past days, he had liked Takanori. He could tell they actually matched, he could see how Takanori was filling him and how he could fill Takanori if only he was allowed to. There was notable chemistry, even at the times that he was just thinking of completely weird, random stuff. And he wanted so much to help him.

‘Because I think this is stupid. I think _‘fate’_ is stupid and it makes me feel like every choice I make is meaningless.’ it also made him think that, since fate was very much a thing, did that mean he deserved his father? Why? Was he a bad person?

‘I… I’m sorry. You don’t deserve any of that Taka. You don’t. But you don’t know how will any of that make sense in the future. Your actions matter, they matter to me and--’

‘No, stop. I said stop calling me that! I don’t need your comfort, I don’t need you! You’re the last thing I’ve needed in my life.’ tears were finally running down his cheeks. He felt frustrated, genuinely frustrated and he didn’t know how to deal with any of that. He didn’t know how to feel about Akira’s words, what was the other trying to gain out of this. He rubbed at his eyes quickly, at least it wasn’t as if the other could see him.

‘Are you… crying?’ but he could still read his thoughts, right.

‘Shut up. I don’t need you trying to meddle with my life because you’re taking all that soulmate bullshit so seriously. Because it’s _bullshit_! I don’t need anyone who… connects with my soul! Like what kind of stupid bullshit is that! My mother didn’t need her soulmate, neither do I.’ his features hardened decidedly. He gripped on the bed’s sheets, sitting on his knees and staring down, his gaze empty. If he could have absolutely no contact with the other, he’d do it.

‘Maybe I need you!’

The confession startled him, but at the moment he was angry and he shook it off. ‘I don’t care! I don’t need to know about your stupid feelings! You’re just sad you can’t fuck everyone anymore, aren’t you?’ a bitter smirk. ‘It’s not as if I’ll let you fuck me to make up to you for ruining your wonderful hobbies’.

‘All I’ve been doing is talk to you and keep you from being by yourself! You haven’t talked to a single person eversince I’ve known you, don’t you get that’s fucking you up?! One person tried to approach you with the intentions to help you against your bullies, and you threw him completely off! I’ve done my best to respect your wishes and let you focus even with all that bullshit annoying the fuck out of me, but I’m not whining! I’m not the one ruining your life, Takanori! You push everyone away and you’re just left with your horrible parents! You refuse help from everyone! Maybe you like that, then?’ the older boy’s frustration was boiling over and he couldn’t stop his words, each one of them cutting deep within the short teenager, making his eyes water up. ‘Tell me, Takanori. Are you enjoying daddy’s beating that much?’

There was sudden silence. Takanori’s head was empty, with only the other’s words echoing inside it for a long moment. Another tear slid down his pale cheek and he raised his sleeve to look at his bruises. He pinched them, feeling numb at the light sting.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.’ he could tell that he really didn’t, but the damage was done. It wasn’t as if he could blame him, anyway. ‘Please Taka. Just let me be there for you.’ the words were apologetic and desperate. He pulled his sleeves back down. He couldn’t understand. He was so confused, what had the other meant? Needed him? Why? He knew he had also fucked up his life, stopped him from getting laid and whatever. And he knew that, eversince they started speaking the other hadn’t been talking to as many people he used to. Not like he knew how much Akira was socializing before, but he always talked with Takanori and he knew that he kept turning down his friends’ suggestions to go out together. _Why would he not choose to distract himself from this situation?_

‘If you care about me stop. I don’t want to talk to you.’

It had hurt. The words, and hearing about the other’s thoughts, his feelings, confused him and stressed him. Needed him? Why would he? He barely knew him. Either Akira got easily attached, or he was a psycho. Somehow he knew it was really neither.

‘I… Okay.’

He expected another fight but it never came. He hadn’t thought the other would give in so easily. Yet he could hear him, being exhausted, not wanting to fight anymore. Not wanting to trouble him anymore. Turning off the lights he laid in bed, and it was the first time in days that he heard absolute silence.

They were both so busy battling with their feelings, that their thoughts were empty.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, sucks to be you Akira  
> it's also great how I can use real things Reita has said as his shitposting thoughts  
> comments are love


	5. I just want to love you well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow some!! backstory! and stuff. I really liked writing this chapter

**'I'll give you everything I have**  
**I'll teach you everything I know**  
**I promise I'll do better**  
**I will always hold you close**  
**But I will learn to let you go**  
**I promise I'll do better'**

 

***

 

A day had passed since their fight. During that whole day, neither of them addressed each other, they kept their thoughts empty by either listening to music and focusing on it, or reading, or, in Akira's case, talking with everyone around him. He couldn't think while he was talking, so it was the best kind of solution for him. He dismissed Kouyou's worried looks and questions. It wasn't as if he could hide from his best friend that something had upset him, but he refused to talk about it. It was nearing evening, however, and the silence didn't seem to be coming to an end. He could sometimes hear Takanori think about him, about the situation, but he shrugged it off, just as Takanori did with his own thoughts towards the whole thing. They both knew that thoughts weren't something that could be completely controlled, but they avoided addressing each other or communicating in general.  
  
He was about to leave, waving at his teammates, since they just finished the basketball practice. At least his friend finally joined the practice again. Made sense, since he'd probably want to distract himself from thinking about Yutaka. The team-captain, Akane, approached him with his bag over his shoulder.  
  
"Hey Akira. Will you join us for a drink this time?" somewhere, he had hoped for this question. Waited for it.  
  
"Definitely."  
  
And that was how he ended up in a bar somewhere downtown with the rest of his team's members. Kouyou tagged along the moment he heard Akira was going, after failing to convince him not to go, and to just return home for the day. Since it had been visibly a bad day for him, he had been too worried to let him drink by himself.  
  
Some acquaintances of the team captain's had ended up joining them, boys and girls. Their group had turned out to be pretty big, and they had taken up most of the bar's stools and a couch.  
  
"Akira, please stop drinking. You're obviously not okay." he turned to look at his honey blond friend, squinting. He had been talking excessively in his attempts to keep his head empty at first, but with the alcohol it had started going downhill, his mumbling not making much sense anymore. It wasn't as if he hadn't realized that but he didn't seem to be able to stop.  
  
"What are you, my babysitter? Leave me the fuck alone, Kou. I haven't drunk in almost a week." he frowned, downing another shot. "Akane asked me to go for a drink, so I'm--" he stopped right there, what was it he was trying to say? Having a drink? Well this wasn't just a drink, but..  
  
"Yes Akira, a drink. _One._ Not a bottle. Don't make me carry you home."  
  
"Well how about you stop whining and you finally pay some attention to the dude over there? He's been smiling at you eversince he came, I'm gonna throw up. Get a fucking room." he grunted, why did that guy try to flirt with his best friend? Kouyou was _his_ best friend, he couldn't make new friends. He was supposed to be there to nag him so he could pretend not to like the attention he was receiving. And yet, a random dude tried to steal him away. "If you go talk to him, I'll stop drinking." it was the first moment he thought with his head that day. "One less worry doesn't sound bad right now. I'm sick of feeling bad over your lost soulmate. Move the fuck on." he growled, ordering another shot. He knew his words sounded harsh, but Kouyou could see through them. He had been worried of course, and he didn't dare talk about his own soulmate at all with Yutaka having disappeared like that. It was a factor as to why he hadn't brought up the situation he was in.  
  
"Aki he's a stranger, I don't want to leave you alone." and yet, the blond noticed how his friend looked at that stranger. He was handsome, and his smile definitely attracted him, if the glint in his eyes was anything to go by.  
  
"Just fucking go, will you? Do it for me if not for you. I'm sick of your depression." the alcohol surely made him sound insensitive. Yet Kouyou knew him well enough to understand. He had never been to delicate with words. With a sigh, he walked to the surprised raven on the couch, sitting next to him and looking down shyly.  
  
Finally one less thing on his mind, right? 'It's all your fault.' he thought, and there was no question what, or rather, who he meant. For the first time that day, he addressed Takanori, slamming his hand on the bar.  
  
'Akira, what are you doing...' the other sounded tired, even in his head, exhausted. Not because it was late, he could tell as much.  
  
'It's all your fault. You've only cared about yourself til now. I've tried to do my best so you'll be comfortable. All you do is complain about my existence. You don't care about me. No one cares about me.' he suddenly felt emotional and cringed at his own thoughts. He couldn't stop them. He felt himself tearing up and he hid his face by looking down, embarrassed. He didn't need anyone to see him. 'I can't even have my mind under my own control anymore because you don't want to be in contact with me. But you're in my head! Yet you don't want to meet and sever the contact either.' he felt desperate, the loud music, the deep bass that resounded in his chest and the laughing around him didn't do much to stop his thoughts.  
  
'Do you want to sever the contact?' the same tired tone, resigned.  
  
'No! I want to know why won't you give this a chance.” G _ive me a chance. I'm not so bad._ 'You know what, forget it. I'm sorry for breaking the no-talking-to-you law.” ' he sniffled and glared at the bar, cursing how he had promised not to drink anymore, since Kouyou actually talked to the guy.  
  
'Akira, are you drunk?' it certainly took him long enough to notice. But his thoughts were so mixed up by now, it'd be impossible not to. And it was easy to tune any thoughts out at that moment, focusing on every outer stimulation. Music, talking, sound of glass clicking against glass.  
  
He got up and walked to a girl from their group, smiling at her. "Where are your friends, cutie?" he asked in that seductive tone of his, he had noticed her stealing glances at him before. She probably didn't have a soulmate.  
  
She looked confused and giggled as she pointed at everyone around her. "They're actually right h--" but she didn't finish, because he was already kissing her, cupping her cheek gently. As expected, she kissed him back, until he was pulled away.  
  
"Akira what the fuck? Come with me, now.” Kouyou seemed angry, dragging him away by his hand.  
  
"The fuck? No, leave me alone! Did I ever stop you from having sex?" he whined, trying to escape the firm grip.  
  
"I don't know what the hell is going on with you and Takanori, but you're drunk and impulsive and you'll regret this tomorrow. You told me you like him.” he words made him open his mouth and then close it, before looking down. He bit his lip, he didn't like this.  
  
"Do you need any help?" oh _great,_ the dude who was trying to steal his best friend from him.  
  
"No, it's fine, Yuu. Thank you. I just need to get a cab and take him home." so his name was Yuu. They were already in a first name basis. _Interesting._  
  
"I could take you! I have a car and you can ask Akane, if you both disappear he'll know who to take to the police. So don't worry." Yuu flushed a smile, touching the honey blond's shoulder softly. Akira watched those fingers graze over his friend's arms with narrowed eyes, and when Kouyou noticed that, he shook the hand off. However he smiled apologetically almost right after, which made the blond's eyes narrow again.  
  
"That would be great, actually. Thank you. He's having a really bad day today." oh so now his bad day was why he agreed to that, huh. Sure.  
  
He was guided to the car and he glared at Yuu all the while. If the raven had noticed, it only made him laugh. Something that pissed him off even more. Kouyou helped him sit at the backseat and pulled the seat belt over to lock it in, not wanting his friend to fall down and hurt himself. Then, he sat shotgun, looking at Yuu with a soft smile as the engine started.  
  
"Don't mind Akira too much. He gets jealous over me when he's drunk.”  
  
"Bec'se you're my best friend, you a’hole. You just want to leave me for some ra’dom... good loo'ing guy." he grumbled, letting his back rest again the seat. He wasn’t sure why he suddenly couldn’t form coherent sentences. The alcohol had probably kicked in for good. Besides, it seemed like too much effort, speaking coherently.  
  
"I'd be jealous too if I had you as my best friend. It'd be my obligation to protect someone as beautiful."  
  
Akira made a choking sound. "Get a f’cking room."  
  
_"Akira!"_ he was scolded, and yet the raven just laughed. He drove with Kouyou's directions, careful not to miss any turns. He hadn’t put on music and the silence was good, contrasting the overwhelming atmosphere back at the bar.  
  
"I'm sorry if this is too personal but... soulmate status?" the raven asked with a grin, rolling his window down just a bit. He figured they all needed some fresh air, to clear their heads.  
  
"Oh actually... I don't know. I had connected with him almost  a year ago but this week he suddenly... disappeared. I can't find him. I'm afraid he..." he trailed off, not wanting to spoil the mood.  
  
"Oh shit, I'm sorry." Yuu looked genuinely sympathetic. Akira wasn't sure why did he have to hear to their flirting while he had his own problems. "I actually found mine, but we just broke it off. She just wasn't the one for me." he winked, laughing gently at the other's slight blush.  
  
Then a shoe came flying from the backseat. At least it didn't hit the window. "Akira! You could have broken the window! Don't go breaking people's things!" he rolled his eyes at his best friend and grunted when his shoe wasn't given back. He should have expected that, he guessed. "You're acting like a spoiled child." to which he just stuck his tongue out as a response. His day had been shitty and he had a great excuse to act like a spoiled child so he didn't care.  
  
"Hey after dropping your friend off you want to... go somewhere to continue our conversation? I really like you and I'd hate ending the night before knowing you more." Yuu spoke up again, obviously unaffected by the blond's behaviour. He seemed very patient. Akira admired that.  
  
"Oh I don't know if I can leave him. I'm afraid he'll hurt himself."  
  
"How about we see when we get there?" that smile, it was impossible to say not to it.  
  
"Okay... but you'll have to wait then. I can't leave before making sure that idiot is okay.”  
  
"What happened anyway? He seems pretty upset." for the first time, Yuu looked over his shoulder to glance at the almost passed out blond, chuckling softly under his breath. Upset? Well, that was an understatement.  
  
“I have no idea to be honest, he wouldn’t tell me. I’m guessing he had a fight with his soulmate.” the honey blond sighed, looking out of the window. He was worrying about Akira but the idiot wouldn’t open up even after getting hammered. When he didn’t want to talk, he wouldn’t talk no matter what.  
  
“Oh, serious stuff. Well you better take care of him then. Is this it?” Yuu pulled over when the other nodded, parking the car messily next to the apartment block. It was late and not many cars were passing by, so he figured it’d be fine. He opened his door and by the time Kouyou had taken his seatbelt off, he was opening his door. With a faint blush, Kouyou got out, thanking him before he opened the door to the backseat.  
  
“Akira? Come on, let’s get you in.” he encouraged, but after noticing that the other was indeed almost unconscious, he grunted and tried to get him up. At least the raven was there to help him. They carried the blond to the elevator, as he stumbled between them. Soon, they were at his door, the awkward silence between the three of them growing. Well, this wasn’t the ideal first impression Kouyou wished to make on Yuu but at least he wouldn’t have to worry about him being seen in such a situation later on. If there was a later on.  
  
“Where’s the bedroom?” Yuu asked, and when the other’s delicate finger pointed at a door, he held Akira up by making him wrap an arm around his shoulder and moved towards there. “You should make him some coffee, I’ll help him lay in bed.” he smiled faintly, and disappeared into the room, leaving the door open behind him. He helped Akira lay on the bed, taking off his jacket and shoes so he’d be slightly more comfortable. After some hesitation, he reached up and untied the cloth around his nose; glad that the other didn’t stop him. It would have been a bad idea, leaving it on in his state. It definitely didn't help him breathe. He propped his head up on the pillow against the wall, since if he needed to throw up he’d choke if his head was laid down.  
  
Kouyou smiled, the raven was very kind. He guessed he kind of liked him. Having someone as gorgeous help him babysit his best friend didn’t seem like a likely scenario until tonight. Yet it was a very pleasant surprise; he cared for Akira more than anything after everything they had been together, and he could never see himself be with someone who didn’t care about him, or didn’t like him. So far, Yuu had been nothing but nice, and even if he didn’t like having to take care of a grown man just to get his attention, he could work with that. He hadn’t left til now, and he hadn’t even scolded the blond once. It was good enough, for now. He made a bitter coffee, partly because it’d help the other wake up more and partly to take revenge for this whole ordeal, and along with a glass of water he brought them inside, seeing Yuu having neatly put his friend’s jacket on a chair. “Thank you. It means a lot, having you help me. You don’t even know me.” he said sheepishly, bringing the coffee to Akira’s lips. The blond automatically swallowed as coffee was dripped in his mouth, and he coughed, choking a bit before he sat up in a more comfortable way. They both ignore a murmured _‘this tastes disgusting.’_ It got the job done.  
  
“It’s not really a problem for me. I’m glad to be of help to someone like you.” the smooth way he talked made Kouyou flush a bit deeper this time. He had had a soulmate eversince he was 18, so he hadn’t really flirted with anyone else before and this was new. It made his heart flutter.  
  
“Oh for fuck’s sake when I said get a room I didn’t mean my own.” both of their gazes turned to Akira, who suddenly seemed to be very coherent. The coffee was probably working because he hadn’t even drunk half of it yet. He reached for the water and he rubbed his eyes. “What happened?” he asked confused, he was at the bar, then a car… black haired stranger… home…  
  
“Yuu was kind enough to drive us here. You were upset Akira, you got piss-drunk.” his best friend informed him and he winced. That had happened once before. It was easier for him to get drunk if he was in a bad mood, no matter how much he drank. “Do you want to finally talk to me?” seeing Kouyou that worried, he looked down and sighed. He felt bad. At least he seemed to be getting along with that dude. He glanced up at him, he didn’t want to talk in front of him of course. At least the honey blond got the message. “Yuu, please give us a minute. I’ll be right out, okay? Thank you.” the addressed man nodded and left, closing the door behind him. It seemed as if he understood.  
  
“I… Takanori told me not to talk to him yesterday.” he confessed, finally able to get this weight off his heart. Not talking about it and being unable to even think about it had been hard, and it almost seemed unreal. But it was very much real, and it hurt. “He hates the fact that he has a soulmate and he says I keep distracting him and I don’t want to, Kou, but I can’t help it he’s in my head and you know I can’t control my thoughts--”  
  
“Seriously? Didn’t you tell me he doesn’t even want the two of you to meet?” the connection would be severed that way if it bothered that guy so much.  
  
“Yeah, he still doesn’t… I just… I like him, Kou, and I don’t want to cause him trouble but I can’t do this...” and he had no idea what happened while he was drunk. His thoughts had been completely mixed up but also completely empty. He guessed if anything was up he’d know right after his friend left.  
  
“I’m sorry, Aki. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. It’s not possible that he’ll keep acting like that, I don’t think it’s easy for him either.” he stroked blond strands soothingly, smiling when Akira closed his eyes. It was the calmest he had seen him the whole day. “Do you want me to stay? We can play games or--”  
  
“No, no that’s fine. Thank you for taking care of me. You have a very handsome guy waiting for you in my living room, better not keep him waiting.” he grinned teasingly, earning a light punch on his shoulder. He sipped from the coffee, it was really bitter but he definitely felt better.  
  
“Idiot. You know you’re my priority. I’m sure Yuu will understand. He didn’t even say anything when you threw a shoe at us.”  
  
“What? Shoe?” oh yeah, he kind of remembered that. “Where is it?” he asked, it better not still be in the car.  
  
“I brought it with me, it’s in your living room.” he sighed, feeling fingers still stroking over his hair. It was a very welcomed gesture. He really needed the affection. “So? Should I tell Yuu to leave?”  
  
“No, stupid. Go with him. I need to be alone, I think.” Akira hummed, he’d probably have to talk to Takanori. He could faintly hear him studying something, but he wasn’t focused on his thoughts at all, so he didn’t know what he was saying.  
  
“Okay. Do call me if you don’t feel well, though. I don’t want my best friend to die.” he paused for a moment, thinking. “Come over tomorrow for lunch, okay?” after receiving a nod as a response, he smiled. He wanted to see him tomorrow so he can make sure everything was alright. Finally he huffed, standing up. “Be careful, asshole.” he kissed his friend’s forehead and smiled, leaving the room.  
  
Akira heard some dialogue before the front door opened and then closed. Complete silence. They were both gone. He smiled, glad that at least Kouyou was finally feeling better.  
  
Now his thoughts were clearer, and he could hear his soulmate study, biology probably.  
  
‘Akira?’ he almost jumped, he hadn’t expected the other to talk first.  
  
‘Y-yeah? It’s really late Takanori. You shouldn’t stay up that late.’ he knew this was a stupid way to begin the conversation, but it was his only way.  
  
‘I actually… wanted to talk to you. Not like I could sleep with your mind being completely drunk.’  
  
‘I’m very sorry, Taka. I don’t remember much but… I know I must have been shitty.’ and right then he remembered kissing that girl, with intentions to go further if his best friend hadn’t been there. He was so thankful. ‘I’m so sorry.’ he repeated, since his thoughts had been heard.  
  
‘It’s fine… Akira, I know I was being selfish. I…’ it seemed Takanori had trouble putting his thoughts in order and addressing him. His mind was a mess, but the blond could understand a couple of things even then.  
  
‘I understand you’ve been raised this way.’ raised to hate the idea of soulmates. Raised in an environment that made him hesitate to open up, and now he was forced to. ‘I’m not angry with you. I was just… hurt. But I couldn’t blame you which is why I was just frustrated and acted like this. You don’t need to feel bad.’ he sighed, pulling the blanket higher up. He felt weird, it had only been a day but it seemed like way more. Probably because being limited even within your own brain isn’t something that should happen. 'I just want to be there for you. Help you understand opening up isn't a bad thing... so that you can do it more, you know? Willingly.' he chuckled bitterly, trying to suppress all the feelings he had for the younger boy right then.  
  
‘It’s not fair. You understand me already. You know more than anyone else ever bothered to know about me. I want to understand you, Akira.’ suddenly the other’s thoughts were a mess again, a small pause in their dialogue. ‘If we’re going to have to be in each other’s heads until my exams are over, I might as well begin to understand you a little. You’re my soulmate, aren’t you?’  
  
The blond smiled faintly, he hadn’t expected this. He wasn’t sure what made the boy take an interest in him but he felt relieved, his heart felt weird. It was a delightful kind of weird. “Ah, where do I begin?” he chuckled to himself, he had never been as willing to talk to someone seriously. About himself, his life. Only Kouyou knew.  
  
‘You have always seemed kind fond of that Kouyou, I guess, so maybe from there? He’s your best friend anyway.’ if Akira didn’t know better, he’d say that he detected a hint of jealousy in there. But he knew the other was far from being that interested in him already.  
  
‘Kouyou… he… has always been there for me.’ he hesitated, but fortunately or unfortunately, it wasn’t as if he could control his thoughts. It was easier for things to come out. ‘My mom died at birth,’ he felt his eyes watering up slightly. It had been 19 years already but he had never really talked about it. His heart clenched and he was glad that Takanori wasn’t thinking how pitiful it was, or what a shame. He only seemed to understand and wait for the rest. That was enough for him. ‘My dad really loved her. They were soulmates, anyway,’ unlike Takanori’s parents, ‘and it was sudden. As long as I can remember, he wasn’t there. I think he kind of blamed me for her death, even if he wouldn’t admit it, even if it was only his subconscious.’ he grabbed the water, he felt thirsty all of a sudden. It was strange, how his soulmate inspired him to open up so easily. He felt like he could trust him already.  
  
‘This is stupid. It wasn’t your fault--’  
  
‘I know. He probably knew, too. But you know by now. You can’t always control what you’re thinking.’ he smiled bitterly, wiping over his eyes. ‘My grandparents took care of me. My mother’s parents. They were the ones who cooked for me, they were the ones who tried to help me with my homework,’ tried, he chuckled at himself, ‘and they were the ones worrying about me when I came home with bruises.’ he closed his eyes, smiling softly. ‘As you can guess I wasn’t exactly a calm child. I felt abandoned and my father’s coldness towards me made me a somewhat… angry kid. I got into fights a lot. I always got angry, with every little thing. But it’s also the reaon why I became friends with Kou.’ he chuckled, thinking back.  
  
_Akira has been sitting in on a bench by himself, watching the other kids with angry eyes. Why were they having fun? Laughing and shit. Maybe he'd go tear the stupid cards they were playing with later. He got up and walked towards the building; he wanted to go back inside. He had enough of this noise. As he walked, though, someone who was running and didn't notice him in time bumped into him, making them fall both down forcefully._  
  
_He grunted, gritting his teeth to avoid crying out. It hurt, and his bottom felt like it was throbbing now that the shock was gone. His eyes watered up involuntarily and he growled in anger. In one swift move, he was up._  
  
_"What the heck are you doing?! Don't you see where you're going, stupid?!" he yelled, no one fell into him. No one. There'd be price to pay._  
  
_The other boy was still on the ground, looking up scared at the yelling. He was his classmate, so he was pretty much aware of him and his temper, his behaviour. Akira was the only kid in class that swore so openly, even in that childish way. Recognising the hand that the other was rising meant he'd get hit, he started crying and sobbing, putting his hands in front of his face as if to protect himself. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! Please don't hit me!" he sobbed, anxious that he wouldn't be listened to. He hadn't been hit until then, but judging by the bruises and one broken arm, the other kid wasn't gentle when beating his classmates up._  
  
_The then-raven Akira hesitated. The other seemed pretty pitiful, and while taller than him, he seemed weak. His arms were strangely thin and so was the rest of his body. His delicate shape along with his facial characteristics made him look pretty feminine, and the anxious crying before he had even touched him made him look around embarrassed. It felt weird. And for once, he felt bad before a fight, instead of after. It seemed heartless, even to him, to hit such a defenseless thing._  
  
_"Shut up," he mumbled, not wanting to attract any more attention. "I said shut up I won't hit you. If you don't, I will," he warned, and so the sobs ceased immediately, brown eyes looking up at him. He averted his gaze and helped him up, grabbing his hand._  
  
_"I-I didn't mean to run into you." came a small mumble, as hands wiped at tears hastily._  
  
_"I get it, alright? Shut up." Akira hesitated, looking down. No one had ever apologised to him before. It wasn't as if he gave them the option of course, because he always yelled and hit them, and it wasn't as if anyone would apologise after that._  
  
_"Suzuki! What are you doing!" a teacher came running, grabbing Akira's arm and pulling him. away from the other boy. She noticed the tears in the other's eyes and she gripped the small arm in her hand, shaking it in accusation. "What did we say about bullying?! I'll take you to the principal. You can't keep hitting other kids!" she yelled, before turning to the other boy. "Are you okay dear?" she asked, voice softening. She was used to Akira causing trouble and hitting kids. This was the last straw. They couldn't let him stay there, the other students were in danger, one had broken an arm already._  
  
_"N-No it's fine! I fell and he helped me up. Akira didn't do anything wrong." the boy smiled softly, and Akira looked at him astonished. He didn't expect to be defended._  
  
_"O-oh. I'm sorry then, Suzuki. Don't cause any trouble, you two." the teacher said, confused, letting go of the thin arm in her grip and walking away unsure._  
  
_"Thanks..." Akira whispered, staring at his shoes. He wasn't sure why didn't the other tell on him yelling and almost hitting him. But he was glad he wouldn't make his grandma sad again. "I... I-I'm sorry for before. For... you know." he mumbled under his breath, he had never apologised before. It was hard to do it now. "You're... Takashima, right?" he asked, finally looking up at his classmate._  
  
_Said boy beamed him a bright smile. "You can call me Kouyou. Come on, we can play cards. I have a huge collection."_  
  
'Kouyou was the first person that forgave me and the first person that invited me to play. I mean, I don't blame the others of course. But as I hang out with him, I stopped getting into fights. He came over my house all the time and my dad's absence stopped bothering me as much.' he hummed, looking back if it hadn't been for his friend he would have been a completely different person. 'I slowly opened up to him and very soon I was pretty popular. Since I had become pretty talkative and you know... had the looks and all...' he scratched the back of his head sheepishly, he felt like he was bragging. But it was the truth. When someone goes so suddenly from causing trouble for everyone to hanging out with a kid like Kouyou, people take interest. Of course his looks helped, both his and the honey blond's. When he dyed his hair blond, then he really stood out.  
  
'You have blond hair?'  
  
'Oh... yeah. I dyed it in middle school.' he confirmed, unconsciously playing with a strand at the memory. He never changed it since then.  
  
'I... I didn't know you weren't always that... talkative and happy.' the voice sounded almost apologetic, for the assumptions that had been made. It was stupid, though. He couldn't have known.  
  
'That's alright. I'm glad you were interested enough to ask.' he smiled, putting a hand over his chest. He felt it flutter and his cheeks hit up faintly. Talking about this... he felt like he could really trust Takanori. He really liked him already, and he knew that the other could understand him. That's what he wanted. To be understood, not pitied.  
  
‘So this… this explains...’  
  
‘Why I get angry when you ignore me. Yeah.’ he confirmed the other’s thoughts; it was specifically because indeed, nothing he was told bothered him. Absolutely nothing else bothered him in general, except for when Takanori ignored him or told him he didn’t want to deal with him. He had been so ignored in his life, it really struck a nerve.  
  
It also explained why he pretty much muted himself when the boy’s bullying came up. He felt like a bully, himself. And maybe this had stopped since Kouyou became his friend, but it didn’t make him feel any less guilty for what he had already done. It was nice, having the other finally understand him a little. Although it was his fault, too, for doing everything in his power to avoid giving that information away.  
  
'Still... At least Kouyou sounds like a great friend. I'm glad you have him.' but he didn't have anyone. There was no one he could possibly open up to like this, that would help him forget the shitshow that his life was.  
  
'You have me.' Akira bit his lip, afraid this was too direct. 'That's what soulmates are for, Taka.' he then noticed with a grin, that the other didn't object to the use of his nickname, for the second time. 'I might have learned everything without giving you a choice but, isn't there some kind of relief? I know, and I want to be here for you.' he sighed, getting in a more comfortable position. Staying still and focused in his dark room was weird.  
  
He knew that things got weird when he confessed his feelings. Now, they were more intense than before. But he wasn't going to talk about them. He didn't prioritise them, especially since the other couldn't exactly hear feelings. He just wanted to be there for him, to care for him the way he deserved to be cared for.  
  
'Akira I... I missed you.' the confession made him smile slightly. 'What I said in the beginning still stands but... talking with someone... like, for example, you... isn't that bad.' it was hard expressing himself even in his own mind, he wasn't used to accepting people in his life, the blond could tell. But the chats had helped the other through his day more than he would directly admit, which was probably why he initiated the conversation. He had gotten used to having someone there, even if it was this way. So, not having that suddenly, had been worse than before.  
  
'I know you don’t want to hear this but… I really care about you, Takanori. And you may call me stupid for feeling the way I do so soon but we are soulmates after all.’ he mused, it was true. He shouldn’t be feeling weird for being in… with his soulmate. He couldn’t even dare think of the word, thing that pained him. He wanted to love the other openly, care for him, give him everything he needed. But he didn’t want to push him away. He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.  
  
‘But I… I c-can’t--’  
  
‘I know. You don’t have to, you know. Letting me be there for you is enough. I don’t expect anything from you.’ he laid on his side, smiling softly. This wasn’t the point, after all. He didn’t want the other to feel like he owed him something; if he did, his feelings would have been insincere.  
  
‘Thank you.’ and he knew how much this was really appreciated. He knew, that Takanori never had anyone in his life doing things for him, being there for him, without expecting anything in return.  
  
They laid in silence for a moment, both of them trying to get their thoughts in order, to pinpoint where exactly they stood. It was comforting.  
  
‘Hey, Akira?’  
  
The blond hummed, eyes sliding shut slowly. It had been a very long day, and with the alcohol’s effect gone, he felt sleepy. ‘Yeah?’  
  
‘You should stop feeling bad over what you were in elementary.’ a bully? He asked in his head. Well yeah. ‘You’ve changed, haven’t you? It was just the way a helpless child tried to deal with his feelings.’ the words were comforting, and while the blond was already aware, it felt nice to have someone understand him, to say that.  
  
‘It’s ironic, isn’t it? That I was… and you are still being bullied...’  
  
‘Maybe that’s why we’re soulmates, right?’ this should have been obvious, but it made Akira frown nonetheless. Was this a factor? Maybe it was his chance to make up for being the school’s bully; being there for Takanori, helping him through his struggle.  
  
‘Maybe.’  
  
‘You’re tired. Go to sleep.’  
  
The smile was back on his face, feeling warmth in his chest. ‘You should too. It’s late. Don’t stay up studying, okay?’  
  
He was sure, then. His feelings for the other had grown in just a day, and he would do his best to make him feel the same, give him as much time as he needed.  
  
‘Okay.’  
  
_Yeah,_ he thought. He would make Takanori proud of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhh so you know I'm a hoe for Reita's friendship with Uruha. I have the next chapter ready but I might post it in two weeks instead of one to get some time to write chapter 7 as well. We'll see.  
> Leave a comment to let me know what you think!


	6. A great honor to hold you up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!! This chapter contains graphic depictions of abuse. I had to edit the tags because I hadn't really planned for this from the beginning, haha...,,, so yeah check them again before proceeding.  
> I normally update on mondays or smth but tomorrow i'll go for a one-week vacation and so I won't have my laptop with me at all.

**'I don't even know where to start**   
**Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart**   
**I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well**   
**I just want to learn how, somehow to be loved myself'**

 

***

 

Voices. Talking. Takanori rolled on the other side of his bed, grunting. It wasn’t a school-day and he wanted to sleep in, so why was there noise?  
  
 _Oh._  
  
He immediately sat up, rubbing his eyes. He could hear his father’s voice distinctly now and, if the silence in his mind was any indication, Akira was still asleep. He smiled slightly, it was to be expected. Last night must have drained him.   
  
Getting up, he yawned and fixed his clothes. He was sleeping in a white, oversized short-sleeved shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants, warm and comfortable for this kind of weather. With a deep breath, he opened his door. It wasn’t as if he had a choice, the bathroom was on the other side of the hallway anyway.  
  
“Look who finally decided to wake up.”  
  
He flinched, gaze downcast as he closed the door behind him. He regretted doing that almost right after; he felt way more exposed and unsafe with the comfort of his personal space locked away. “It’s only 9 a.m. ...” he murmured under his breath, and he had fallen asleep pretty late but it wasn’t as if that would have mattered.  
  
“Did you just talk back?” the voice was steady and threateningly low and he unconsciously took a step back, back bumping into his door.  
  
“No… sir.” he said, shaking his head. Risking a glimpse, he saw his father a few feet away, standing in front of the kitchen counter while his mother silently took grocery out of plastic bags. A pointed glance from the man and his mother went into their room, murmuring something about going to change. That definitely wasn’t a good sign.  
  
“You didn’t even clean up while we were gone. Do you think you can live here without offering anything?” he started approaching and Takanori clenched his fists, knowing what to expect by now.  
  
“No but I was studying so I can improve my grades--”  
  
“Did you? Did your grades get any better?”  
  
“I-I mean we didn’t really have anything to be graded on this week--”  
  
“Which means cleaning up shouldn’t have been a problem, should it?” Takanori swallowed, he couldn’t exactly say that he had been too distracted and upset with the whole soulmate thing to do everything he had to do. Especially the day before. He had hardly managed to get some studying out of the way.  
  
 _‘Taka are you okay?’_  
  
Oh not now. _Definitely_ not now.  
  
“It… shouldn’t...” he agreed, knowing that whatever else he’d say at this point it’d be considered as talking back.  
  
“Do you know what happens to freeloaders who don’t have anything to offer to society?” at this point, he squeezed his eyes shut, hiding his bruised arms behind his back. He felt his heart beating faster, flooding with fear. Yeah, he knew what to expect but this only made the anticipation scarier.  
  
‘Takanori, are you okay? Are you hurt?!’ Akira’s worry made him smile a bit despite himself, but it was a bitter half smile, hidden as he looked on the floor. He wanted to open his door and hide in his room but he was aware this would only fuel the other’s anger. He didn’t have it in him, to respond to his soulmate and reassure him.   
  
“Look at me when I speak to you, kid!” he cried out as his thin wrist was grabbed from behind his back and his body jerked towards the older man, bruises that had not yet been healed aching under the tight grasp. He heard the slap before he felt it across his face, head snapping to the side as he felt his eyes brimming with tears at last, refusing to lift his head. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him see his tears. The ache on his cheek only grew by the second, certain that the spot would be reddened.  
  
‘Is your father hitting you? Takanori _please_ just tell me you’re okay!’  
  
‘I’m okay Akira.’ he finally gave him some response, not wanting him to think he’s dying or anything. It was embarassing, being in that situation with Akira aware, more tears falling, due to his shame more than anything else.  
  
However, his face was pulled upwards, to look at the man in front of him and he felt himself hyperventilating. “I said look at me when I speak to you! Gotten confident the past week, haven’t we? You always need someone to show you your place like an animal!” he closed his eyes down and gasped as he felt his stomach punched, doubling over. Yet he couldn’t curl up as much as he’d like, his pale arm still gripped firmly in his father’s hand. “I better not see you come out of your room for the rest of the day!” with that, he felt the hold on his wrist tightening and another slap on the side of his head, and then he was let go. Not wasting a second, he turned around despite his pain, opened the door to his room and closed it behind him. He slid down with his back against the door, hoping it’d be enough to keep the man locked outside.  
  
He let his sobs out now freely, relentlessly wiping his face from his tears with the back of his hands. He pulled his legs to his chest, curling up in order to feel smaller, feeling safer. He hated weekends. He hated not having to go to school; not having a good reason to leave the house with his father being unable to tell him otherwise. He used the bottom of his white shirt to wipe his face a bit, trying to calm down.  
  
‘Takanori please… are you alright?’ the other sounded calmer now, maybe knowing that it was over. His lower lip quivered, it felt so weird, so shameful for someone to have seen him in this situation. Even if he hadn’t exactly seen him.  
  
‘Akira leave me alone.’ it was a knee-jerk response to be in such a vulnerable situation. The boy seemed to understand that.  
  
‘I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself. Can you drink water?’  
  
‘No… I can’t leave my room.’ even if he hadn’t been specifically ordered not to do that, he wouldn’t do that now. He started hiccuping, due to the lack of oxygen as he sobbed and tried to inhale, only for his breaths to be breaking, unable to breathe properly. He looked at his arm, the spot where his father had been gripping so tightly being purple, since there had already been a bruise there and now it was worsened. His eyes hardened, breath suddenly stabilizing. This wasn’t his skin. They weren’t his bruises; they had been inflicted upon him violently; _it wasn’t his arm_.   
  
‘Taka please, don’t do that. I’m begging you, you’ll regret this later. You don’t have to do this.’ his soulmate sounded desperate as he searched for some pair of scissors in his backpack. He sat back on the floor, scissors in hand, approaching them to his fresh bruise. It was an attempt to repossess his own skin, as he pressed the dull scissors to his skin, dragging down.  
  
It did nothing more than a slight scratch, since the blade wasn’t sharp at all. He felt tears running down his cheeks, unconsciously, about to press in harder.  
  
‘Takanori! Don’t do that, I don’t want you to get hurt. You might get hurt if you do that and… You can’t get hurt... please don’t do that because of him...’ he froze and dropped the scissors, curling up again. He was really about to sink that low, huh? It wasn’t as if he hadn’t done that before, but never so close to his vein, never so close to his wrist. He knew it’d be dangerous, especially with those scissors. But he had been so angry, so desperate to reclaim his own skin, to get back, in a way, to his father, that he hadn’t cared. ‘Good boy… that’s right...’ he almost snorted at the words, but he knew it was Akira’s way of soothing him, and the only way. At that moment he wished the other would be there, with him.  
  
‘I can’t do this anymore… I’m so tired, this happens almost every week, he doesn’t even need a reason anymore, every time he comes back he just does this, it’s like his weekly hobby...’ his tears had started ceasing as he focused on his thoughts. He held his stomach softly, flinching as he remembered how the air was knocked out of him earlier.  
  
‘Dry your eyes, Taka… I’m here, okay?’  
  
‘You’re not.’ he sniffed, his heart aching. He wasn’t going back on his word, he still didn’t want himself to be distracted and miss his only chance of escaping. But he did wish it didn’t have to be that way. He did wish that the boy would be there to comfort him at this one moment; when he finally felt tired, exhausted of the whole ordeal. He didn’t know how to keep going, knowing that this would keep happening every week.  
  
‘Yes, I am here.’ the voice was determined, certain, and he felt himself calming down. ‘I’m holding you now. Close your eyes. Can you feel it?’ he suddenly understood and let his eyes slide shut, head  leaning back slightly. Yes, he could feel it, being in Akira’s arms, being held gently. He cracked a small smile, letting himself get lost in this fantasy. ‘I’m wiping your tears… I don’t want you to cry, Takanori. Anyone who hurts you will have to fight me, okay?’ he chuckled a half-hearted laugh, humming. ‘I’m always here for you, Taka.’  
  
He was thankful, at that moment. He was thankful and he felt his heart aching, longing for something. He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to understand it.  
  
‘I really love you, Takanori. I care about you.’  
  
He felt his eyes watering up, the ache in his heart even stronger. He slowly opened his eyes, the comfort of his soulmate’s imaginary hold gone.  
  
‘Akira...’  
  
‘You don’t need to respond, you know. I’ve told you already. I just want you to know that. Know that  I do love you, I’m here for you, okay? So please don’t give up. And take care of yourself for me.’  
  
‘I… I will. Hey A-Aki?’ he could hear the other’s thoughts going wild at the nickname and he smiled. It was worth it, embarrassing as it was. The other had done so much for him. If a small nickname made him happy, he’d use it. ‘Thank you… I mean it. You’re so good to me...’  
  
‘Don’t thank me, Taka. You can’t even get food or water for the rest of the day and I can’t do anything about that...’ Akira sounded genuinely guilty, despite having no control over the situation.   
  
‘I’ll be fine. I might just… go back to sleep. I feel tired.’ and it was the only way to avoid feeling thirsty or hungry.  
  
‘Okay but… I’ll be here, okay?’  
  
At that, the brunette laughed softly, smiling at how the other could make him laugh even without meaning to. ‘I know. You don’t have much of a choice.’ he grinned, quickly sneaking under the covers. He felt tired enough for sleep to take over him almost immediately, his dehydration because of his crying, stress and lack of sleep catching up to him.

 

***

  
  
Although he felt a little guilty, going out while Takanori was going through all that, Akira was meant to meet with his best friend and he didn’t want to cancel it on him. He was curious to see what had happened with that Yuu guy and besides, he couldn’t really do anything either. He could only be there for his soulmate, but there was only so much he could do just by speaking to him.  
  
He took the bus to reach Kouyou’s house, now his mind pretty silent. He smiled idly, guessing that Takanori had fallen asleep already. He closed his eyes and flushed slightly, thinking back to what happened. The moment they had shared, he knew it was selfish, considering what had led up to it. But it made his heart flutter, how he had fantasized as well about holding the younger boy, comforting him and keeping him safe from monsters like his father. How could that man treat him that way? He was his _son_. He gritted his teeth, thinking of his own father. Although it was a different kind of bad and abusive, it was still-- maybe it was another reason they were soulmates. They could understand each other, on matters like this.  
  
And he had clearly confessed. They had both been quick to disguise any thought Takanori might have had as a response; he didn’t want to know, yet at least. He hadn’t expected a _‘me too’_   yet, he had just wanted to calm the other down completely, show him there was someone who cared and would do anything he could for him.  
  
He got down at his stop and walked to his friend’s apartment block. He had been living at his aunt’s apartment since she was aboard for the year and had let him stay there, under the condition that he would take care of the house and water the plants daily. It was a way to be away from his parents. Once his aunt was back, he would move in with the blond. He smiled at the prospect of living with his best friend; his neighbours would never be ready for that.  
  
He rang the bell and waited before he was greeted by a shy smile.  
  
“I’ll take that as _‘last night was great’_ , huh?” he grinned, walking in. He sat on the couch, watching as the honey-blond placed a glass of water on the coffee table in front of him and then looked around for cookies and snacks. He could tell he was stalling. “Kou come on, you know I didn’t come here to eat cookies. Sit down and spill.” he teased, impatient. Last night he had been somewhat of a dick to that guy he guessed, but he had his reasons. He was certain that his friend had made sure to explain it to him.  
  
The honey-blond bit his lip nervously and nodded, sitting next to him. He looked down and took in a deep breath. “Yuu is… a good guy, Aki. I could tell yesterday. Even as you were acting like a jealous, spoiled brat.” he grinned and the blond rolled his eyes.  
  
“You’re my best friend, of course I’ll be protective of you.”  
  
“You weren’t being protective. You were being jealous.”  
  
“Hey, you know how I am when I’m having a day okay?”  
  
“I do.” the smile was teasing, but sincere. “I… let him take me home...” he murmured, now a blush over his cheeks.  
  
“You mean… he drove you here?” he knew where this was going. Yet, he couldn’t quite believe it.  
  
A frustrated nod. “Yeah but, he came in. I… I-I offered him a drink but...”  
  
“He didn’t need a drink.” Akira grinned and completed the other’s thoughts, damn that Yuu was brave, wasn’t he.  
  
“Well… we kissed and then….”  
  
“No way!” now he couldn’t stop grinning at all. He sat up properly, excited, waiting for his suspicions to be confirmed.  
  
“Aki you’re embarrassing me..” the red colour on the youth’s face was intensified and he laughed loudly, this definitely improved his mood. “Yeah, yeah, okay? We… did that.” the other was clearly shy and it was no wonder; he had never done anything like that before. He had kissed with Akira when they were still in high school but it wasn’t really because of this kind of feelings-- and he was in contact with his soulmate eversince he became 18. So he never really had a chance either. He had never been too comfortable hearing about his friend’s escapades, very much aware of how he slept around.  
  
“Woah Kou, I’m proud of you. I’m surprised… you must have liked him a lot, to go that far already.” he said thoughtfully, he just hoped it wasn’t just to distract himself from Yutaka.  
  
“I know what you’re thinking. But I really like him, you know? He seems so… free. His personality is loud, obnoxious, he’s so upfront and not reserved at all. Unlike...” unlike him. Maybe he knew what this was about. The raven honestly seemed like he didn’t have a burden on his shoulders as serious as Kouyou’s-- or Akira’s, or even Yutaka’s. It could be exhilarating, being with someone who just had a… normal family. Normal life. Maybe even a little bit spoiled.  
  
He stared into his friend’s eyes. Perhaps it was something he needed. A person without any sort of baggage, to be able to take care of him selfessly. A smile crept over his lips.  
  
“Well he _better_ be all that or else.” he laughed, he’d make sure of that. “I’d like to meet with him properly. I care about you, Kou, and I’ll worry until I make sure you’re in good hands.” not that he’d stop worrying afterwards. But it would be one less worry, at least.  
  
“I don’t think he’ll mind. Just… not yet. He asked me to meet again tonight...” seeing his childhood friend like this made the blond’s heart  flutter. It wasn’t as if he ever had the chance to go on a date before and seeing him so shy and nervous… he was happy for him. He deserved the world. “Oh but nevermind me.” Akira was about to retort, it wasn’t as if this wasn’t important. It was one of the most important things that had happened to the other. His first date. First time… being vulnerable in that way. Of course it was important. “I was also worried about you, you know. What happened with your soulmate?”  
  
He frowned. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t anticipated that question; it was mostly the reason the other had invited him over since last night. But he was reminded of this morning and he couldn’t help but be worried; Takanori had probably fallen asleep exhausted.  
  
“We’re… good now. We talked and Kou-- he wanted to know about me.” he smiled idly, this made him so happy. It was definitely progress. “He asked about you, you know. He’s kind of jealous.” he chuckled, glad that the boy wasn’t awake to scold him again.  
  
“About me? What did you say?”   
  
“Oh don’t worry, just about how we met… and I told him about my family, I guess… that’s all. You know I wouldn’t tell him about you without asking you first, Kou.”   
  
“It’s not like you can really control it though so… I wouldn’t be mad or anything.” he mumbled, he was just a bit ashamed. He knew he probably shouldn’t but, he was. He looked up as the blond stroked some strands of hair out of his face gently and smiled. “I’m okay, Aki.”  
  
“I know. I just hope Yuu will be a good change for you, you know? You never really escaped all that, since I too was...”  
  
“No no, Akira don’t say that. You were able to understand me. And you were there for me. You never made me go home because you knew what it’d mean if I went home. I treasure that more than you might think.” he shook his head frantically, his friend had always helped him escape the reality of his house. Helped him not see his mother’s bruises, marks. “But I guess… Yuu really is a ray of sunshine, huh.” he giggled, feeling  just a bit guilty. Poor Yutaka also had his own problems but; he felt some sort of relief with the raven that he never felt with his actual soulmate. He was about to open his mouth and make a silly joke about Yuu again; he was excited, after all. But seeing Akira lost in thought and frowning made him stop and his smile dropped. “Aki? What’s wrong?”  
  
The other’s eyes snapped to the honey-blond and he blinked, before focusing again. “It’s just… Takanori… this morning,” he took a breath, he didn’t want to ruin the mood but he was worried. “His father… he-- he beat him up and Taka … he almost hurt himself after that.” he murmured, eyes staring at the floor sadly. “I managed to stop him but… his father forbade him from leaving his room for the rest of the day so now he’s asleep. He’ll get hungry and thirsty, Kouyou… I can’t do anything about it.” he sighed, he felt frustrated. If only his soulmate told him where he lived.  
  
Kouyou stayed silent for a moment and closed his eyes. “Poor thing.” he whispered and looked down as well. “But you did something for him, Aki. I’m sure it meant a lot to him. Don’t act as if any of this is your fault.” he reprimanded him, he always felt as if he was responsible for things like that. Even when they were kids.  
  
“I know… I know. Still-”  
  
‘Akira?’  
  
‘Takanori! You’re awake.’ he smiled softly and looked up to his friend. “Taka’s awake… I think I’ll get going, if that’s okay?” he knew the idea had been that he'd stay for lunch, but Kouyou had plans later, after all, so he didn't feel too guilty about leaving already,  
  
“It is, of course it is. Come on, I’ll show you out.” his childhood friend got up and walked to the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, anyway.” he grinned, he didn’t have a reason to mope around anymore.  
  
“Yeah, you better.” he teased, nodding as he left the apartment. ‘Sorry, I was just leaving Kouyou’s place. Are you feeling okay?’ he silently went down the stairs, walking to the bus stop. He wanted to focus on their conversation.  
  
‘I’m… thirsty actually. I had forgotten that you dehydtrate while sleeping… but I just had a small nap.’ he whined and the blond couldn’t help but smile. He sounded in a better mood, at least.  
  
‘I’m sorry. I wish I could help.’ he bit his lower lip, _if only_ \--  
  
‘I know what you’re thinking and no, Akira. This is the exact reason I’m not giving you my address. I don’t want you caught up in all this. I handled it for years, I can take it for a few more months.’ the tone was stern and decisive so he decided not to push it. He stared out of the window as he sat on the bus, sighing.  
  
‘Alright. Well, I’ll be home for the rest of the day, probably playing games or something so… if you want to spend the time… you know.’ maybe they could talk, learn more about each other. Maybe they could play some sort of game so the younger boy would be distracted--  
  
‘No it’s fine. I’ll try to study, maybe read some philosophy too. I want to finish this book...’  
  
And so when the blond got home, he set up his console. It wasn’t as fun playing alone, but it’d be fine. His lips were formed in a small smile the whole time; whenever he commented on things that his soulmate thought or read he wasn’t scolded, and so they had this little back and forth, talking, passing the time. He was pleased with it, it felt as if they were in the same room but each of them doing his own thing. It was comforting.

  
  
***

  
‘The scenes of the universe are continually shifting, and one object follows another in an uninterrupted succession...’  
  
‘That sounds poetic.’  
  
Takanori giggled and turned the page. ‘It’s just Hume.’  
  
‘Well Hume sounds like physics more than philosophy.’ he could almost hear Akira’s frown.  
  
‘I told you, to understand philosophy you need to understand physics. Just like physics need philosophy to progress.’  
  
‘But aren’t they completely different from each other? I was always told to choose either--’  
  
‘It’s just a  mistake that humans have inserted into education. They are both important and connected with each other since the very beginning.’  
  
‘Hey Taka? What do you want to study once school's over with?’  
  
Before Takanori could even form his thought, he heard the door opening and almost jumped. He immediately closed his book and sat up from the floor where he had been reading, feeling vulnerable being in so below from whoever was to come in.  
  
He was surprised to see his mother come in instead of the man he feared so much. He remained silent as she closed the door behind her, sighing as she stared on the floor.  
  
“I brought you some water.” his eyes snapped to the glass in her hand. It had been hours, it was almost night already. He really felt thirsty but he didn’t make a move to reach out for the glass; instead he waited for her to place it on his desk. “Your dad will be out for a bit. Do you want to come sit on the bed?” she smiled softly, doing so herself. She patted the place on the mattress next to her and watched as the boy cautiously sat there, arms wrapped around himself defensively.   
  
He reached out for the water this time, almost downing it immediately. He felt like he wanted to cry from relief, he couldn’t handle this anymore. He was hungry and thirsty and he felt unsafe in that house.  
  
‘Taka? Is everything alright?’  
  
‘Yeah, my mom is here… I’ll tell you later.’ he just wanted to keep his thoughts empty for now.  
  
“Did you find them?”  
  
His eyes widened at the question and he blinked. What did she mean?  
  
“Your soulmate.” she smiled gently and caressed his hair. “Did you two connect?”  
  
“Wait.” he murmured, taking her hand off his hair. He noticed that he missed the contact right away, he needed that comfort. But he wouldn’t admit it. “You...” he looked down in realization. It couldn’t be. “You knew that it wasn’t my time of birth? You… you lied on purpose?” he asked, he had just thought his mother got it all mixed up. It seemed way more likely.   
  
“Of course I did, silly. Is there a mother that doesn’t know the exact time her precious child was born?” she asked with a sad smile, curling her finger back on the mattress.   
  
She had done it so he wouldn’t have to deal with his father. So he wouldn’t be homeschooled. He nodded slightly, feeling grateful. “I… yeah. We connected.” he admitted, having regained some trust in the woman.   
  
“Will you tell me about them?” she asked, of course she wanted to know. Her hand found its way back in curly locks, now feeling like it was okay to do that. She smiled as her son closed his eyes, accepting the gesture.  
  
“Yeah… his name is Akira. He’s just a year older…” he said shyly, and he suddenly felt guilt washing over him, thinking back to all the mean things he had told him. “I haven’t been very good with him but… I’ll make it up to him.” he said determined, having his mother by his side made him feel more confident over the whole thing.  
  
“I was afraid this would happen… I didn’t want you to be scared about getting to know your soulmate. This shouldn’t happen anymore...” she murmured and rubbed her temple. “Come to the kitchen, I’ll make you a sandwich or something.” she added and got up, leaving the room.  
  
Takanori followed after her, not letting his guard down. What if his father suddenly appeared? He had to be ready for that. “What do you mean _‘anymore’_?” he questioned, grabbing some more water. He hadn’t drunk any water all day.   
  
Quickly putting the ingredients together, she handed him the sandwich, just so he wouldn’t have an empty stomach. “My little Taka….” she sighed, looking away for a moment as she spoke. “You know that me and your father, we aren’t soulmates.” she began, smiling as the other watched her silently, eating big bites out of the sandwich. He must have been hungry. “You see, back when I was  your age… people still weren’t accepting same-sex relationships. They believed that when people had soulmates of the same sex, it was a mistake. That it was wrong.” she continued, pulling a chair to sit down. “My soulmate was another woman, you see.” she said, chuckling at the surprise on the other’s face. She ruffled his hair, making a second sandwich. He had eaten that one very quickly. “They forbade me from ever meeting her and arranged me a marriage with your father, since his soulmate had died. But I still talk with her, you see. She’s been a great friend all these years.” she added, she was even more thankful now that her husband didn’t know about the teenager’s soulmate. If he wa to learn it was a guy as well, she didn’t want to know what would happen. “Of course, a few years later all those movements began and now no one really cares about that. If you’re soulmates, you’re soulmates.” she shrugged, and it was how it should have been since the beginning.   
  
“I never knew...” he had almost eaten his second sandwich, finally not feeling hungry anymore. He felt guilty for always thinking so little of his mother.  
  
“You didn’t have to.” she said gently and pulled him in a hug. “I’m sorry for not helping you more. I shouldn’t let him do that.” she murmured, there wasn’t a second that went by without her cursing at how she let the man abuse Takanori. But she was afraid, too.  
  
“I-it’s fine… I’ll go to my room now.” he  whispered, he didn’t want to risk being caught. The day was almost over.  
  
“Okay, I’ll clean up.” she agreed, watching her son disappear into his room.   
  
That was something he hadn’t expected. His mother’s soulmate was a woman? So that’s why they hadn’t met; that’s why she had to marry someone who wasn’t her soulmate.  
  
‘Your mother _what_?!’  
  
He had completely forgotten about Akira. ‘Yeah she just… made me something to eat and gave me water because my father is out and… she told me that.’ he sat on his bed, trying to put his thoughts in order. It had been a weird day. ‘Are you still playing games?’  
  
‘No no, I stopped. I was… worried about you.’ he flushed slightly at the confession. He listened for a moment, his father must have come home. He reached out to turn his light off; he felt safer that way. Less exposed.  
  
‘Aki I...’ the brunette bit his lip and took a breath. ‘I’m really sorry for how I’ve been with you. You’ve been nothing but kind to me. You’ve helped me a lot.’ he had made him feel loved, cared for. _It was more than he thought he’d ever get._  
  
‘We talked about that, Taka. It’s fine. I never blamed you and… you’ve apologised already. We’re good now right?’ and Takanori knew that, since he had asked about the other’s past he had been in a great mood. It meant a lot to him, it showed that he cared. It just took so little to make his soulmate happy and he felt even worse about it.  
  
‘Hey, Taka? Will you put on a song if I tell you?’ he opened his eyes, looking around.  
  
‘Sure just let me grab my earphones. Why?’ he was confused, he wasn’t sure where the other was going with this.   
  
‘I just want you to stop feeling bad, alright?’ the shorty smiled and nodded to himself, finally plugging his earphones to his phone. He supported his back against the bed as he sat on the floor, pulling his knees up. He raised an eyebrow as he heard the name of the song the boy wanted him to put on; he hadn’t really listened to it but he had heard of the band. ‘Akira, that’s cheesy.’ he chuckled, the name sure was cheesy.  
  
‘Please? I won’t deny that I am a bit. But come on.’ the other was whining so he hummed.  
  
‘Okay, okay. Fine. Here.’ his eyes closed, letting himself enjoy the music. He blushed at the lyrics a bit and his eyes opened again. He looked down at his hands on his lap. Nearly feeling his dark eyes tearing up-- how could the boy be so damn cheesy? And why was he almost crying?  
  
‘I know I’m cheesy. But I’m not half as cheesy as I would be if...’ if they could meet. But they couldn’t. _They shouldn’t. Not yet._ ‘I know we can’t. But I want you to know that I want that.’ Takanori smiled and closed his eyes, focusing on the song. He liked it. It made him feel like he hadn’t felt before. It was so new to him, someone confessing feelings for him through such a song, and embarrassing as it was, he didn’t even attempt to deny that he liked the way it made his heart flutter in longing.  
  
‘You know it’s the same for me.’ whatever he might say later. However he might have denied it before, it was pointless to argue about it now.

  
  
_‘However far away_   
_I will always love you_   
_However long I stay_   
_I will always love you_   
_Whatever words I say_   
_I will always love you’_   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh so yeah... cheesiness is my thing........  
> hope you enjoyed! Your comments are always what pushes me to write more so please leave a comment if you enjoyed, it's greatly appreciated and motivates me more than you think! <3  
> writing uruha's part made me smile a lot, ngl  
> after i'm back from this week's vacation I have to really study for uni so I don't know when I'll update again, sorry


	7. You make me feel so weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S FINALLY BACK........ uni started and I also started ice skating and I fell on the ice and my whole knee is covered in a big, purple bruise. Hi,

**You saw me clear as glass**   
**I thought you bold as brass**   
**Never knew how lovely love could be**   
**Forty hours give or take**   
**You call me when you are awake**   
**And from our phones we'll crumble time and space**

*****  
**

Neither of them directly addressed their little exchange of that night, but they both thought about it. To Akira’s surprise, the thoughts he heard about it weren’t negative at all. Maybe a bit in denial still, sure, but not as defensive as it would have been barely a couple of days ago.

He had woken up barely a few minutes after Takanori, even though he didn’t really need to be up so early. It was just that he felt excited and positively overwhelmed, so he couldn’t stay asleep any longer. He recognized the other putting on loud music so they wouldn’t communicate for more than a simple ‘good morning’, but he just grinned at that. It was nothing to take to heart; the boy was probably shy or embarrassed after last night’s confession, maybe even a bit ashamed over yesterday’s morning incident. By now he had learned that his soulmate needed space every now and then, and he didn’t mind granting it.

He tied the noseband around his head after he was done with the bathroom, before actually dressing up. A few teachers had already given him a weird look for wearing it, but it was his thing by now and he wouldn’t take it off. He styled his hair and grabbed his bag before leaving the apartment. Nothing could ruin his day. He felt incredibly chipper.

Takanori had confessed to him. Maybe not directly, and maybe now he as avoiding him, embarrassed, but he had. It seemed as if it was a perfect day, after all. It was warmer than a week ago, was spring approaching? Spring, with beautiful flowers blooming, butterflies and hard-working bees everywhere, wonderful smells filling the air. And the end of the school year, too.

He was in the bus before he knew it, smiling at everyone and outside the window. Nothing could ruin this day. Maybe not even this whole week.

As he got to his university, he let his back rest against a wall, watching carefully and waiting for his best friend to arrive. He was excited and he wanted to share it with him, with his childhood friend, the person who would been there through thick and thin, especially thick. It was time to share his happiness with him, right? Now that he had nothing to feel guilty over.

His smile didn’t falter when he saw a familiar car approaching. Instead, it grew, seeing the so-called-Yuu driving the honey blond there, who seemed just as happy. It grew even more, if it was possible, when they both got out, the raven obviously insisting on walking the other to the building. His own slightly crooked teeth were showing by the time the older man leaned in to place a soft kiss on Kouyou’s lips, before returning to his car and driving away.

That was when his smile fell.

As he took his eyes away from the new couple, he noticed a few of their classmates also watching the scene unfold. At first, he didn’t understand why were they looking at Kouyou, his very best friend, that way. Then it hit him.

They had all known that the honey blond had a soulmate. They knew that Yuu definitely wasn’t it. Even those from the team, that were aware about Yutaka’s disappearance, seemed to hold a judgemental look in their eyes. It had always been frowned upon, to be with someone who wasn’t your soulmate after you had connected with them, he knew that much.

He immediately ran to the other who now seemed lost, almost as if it was his first day at a new school. He looked scared and ashamed and it pissed Akira off. He wrapped an arm around Kouyou protectively, looking at him reassuringly.

“What’s up, Suzuki? Is he fucking you too?”  
  
The blond rolled his eyes before he felt his blood boil; he knew what this was supposed to mean. It was, not very subtly, a way to call his best friend a slut. He bit his tongue before commenting on how unnecessarily vulgar and pointless that was.

“Your own soulmate dies and barely a week later you go with the first random person to ask for your ass!” a girl commented, and while they couldn’t know if the two had actually done anything of the sort, they did strike a nerve.

“Maybe I should try too, huh?” another guy asked, walking up to the two as Akira had been about to take the other and walk into the class. “Let him go, Suzuki. Don’t be selfish now. I’ve always wanted to fuck him.” he was Masahiko, a raven from the basketball team. He was well-built, just barely taller than Akira himself.

“Back off, Kimura.” he growled, pushing the honey blond, who was now almost in tears, back. He hated this. He had seemed so happy with Yuu; how dare they take that from him.

“Or what, Suzuki? Are you going to get drunk to drown your sadness?” the other smirked, he had always been there with the team when the boy had gotten drunk when they were out. He pushed him challengingly. “Or is your whore going to call the teacher?”

The blond didn’t hesitate, then. He hadn’t wanted to fight, he had wanted to avoid that. He had stopped fighting years ago, and Masahiko wasn’t much less than he was.

But he would never forgive himself if he let anyone insult his childhood friend any further.

‘Akira, don’t you fucking do this.’

For a split second he smiled at the voice in his head that finally addressed him. It didn’t make it any harder to land a punch in the other’s stomach. Some gasps were heard and he could hear Kouyou calling him to stop, but he wasn’t about to.

Masahiko doubled over and held his stomach, breathing heavily, before he looked up with squinted eyes. In a flash, he was punching the blond on the nose, whose eyes immediately watered and he coughed in reflex, stepping back. Ignoring the pain for now, he reached out to push his body against the other’s, grabbing him from the shoulder and kneeing him on the balls. The boy groaned in pain and fell down, taking deep breaths as Akira felt his noseband dampening. Probably blood. A teacher came running, yelling out about how such things shouldn’t happen between people their age. With a glance, he saw Kouyou standing next to the older man, and he smiled. He did call a teacher. He knew it was because he was worried, so he gave him a nod to reassure him.

“You both better come to the President’s office.” the man said irritated. This wasn’t particularly scary, since no one really got expelled over a fight, but a pain nonetheless.

“Come on Aki.” he was pulled away by the wrist and guided to the bathroom. He knew his friend was probably angry and thankful at the same time. He took his noseband off and washed his face in silence.

‘Are you okay? Are you hurt?’ the worry in his soulmate’s tone made him smile, although he also felt bad. He knew he was in class and he was distracting him. ‘The class doesn’t matter right now Akira. I’m proud that you stood up for Kouyou.’

‘I didn’t want to get into a fight.’

‘I know. Which makes you better. You didn’t want to, you didn’t do it for fun. You just wanted to stand up for your friend.’ this was comforting, especially coming from the other, but it didn’t make anything better. It definitely didn’t make this friend feel better.

“Don’t listen to them, Kou. Don’t let them come in the way of your happiness. I saw you with Yuu. I haven’t seen you smile like that in forever.” even when Yutaka was there, it hadn’t been like that. Yutaka had issues of his own, and Kouyou was burdened with them too. He checked if his nose had stopped bleeding and went to put his noseband back on, but it was taken from him.

“Don’t be an idiot. I don’t want you to asphyxiate and it has blood on it now. You’ll be fine without it for one day.” he sighed, and looked down. “They’re right, Aki… I just met Yuu and we already… I don’t even know if this really means anything for him. Am I a...”

“Kou, no, stop. You’re not. You liked Yuu, and honestly, he looks like a decent guy. I haven’t met him yet, and I will soon because if I won’t meet him I won’t trust him, but even so you looked happy and that’s enough for me. Don’t let them label you like that. You deserve happiness and nothing more. If sleeping around was to make you happy, it’s no one’s business but your own. And you’re not even sleeping around, Kouyou. You like him. I can tell.” he said softly, cupping the other’s face in his wet hands. “I won’t let anyone treat you this way. They have no right.” how insensitive, all of them. They didn’t know him. They didn’t know either of them. “And if Kimura isn’t kicked out of the basketball team, I’ll be the one to leave it.”

“Akira don’t be stupid. This isn’t such a big deal. It’s not worth it.” the other said, slapping his hands away, obviously annoyed by that proposition. He didn’t want to feel like he was the cause of his best friend abandoning his passion.

“It is, Kou. Either he apologises to you, he’s kicked out of the team, or I go. If our captain lets someone like him in our team, I don’t want to be a part of it.”

“You’re an idiot. Come on, you have to go to the President’s office.”

“I know. You don’t have to come.” he said softly, wishing that he could get his noseband back.

“I do.”

‘Akira don’t do anything stupid. You love playing basketball. If you do that I’m sure Kouyou will feel responsible.’

‘I’ll explain him that he’s not, if it comes to it. Sorry if I’m distracting you, Taka.’

‘I told you, it’s fine. Just explain yourself, okay? I’m sure the President will understand.’

The blond walked towards the office with his friend following. Masahiko was probably already there. ‘I can’t do that, Kou would feel embarrassed.’ he said, he didn’t want to bring him into this.

‘Just say that you were standing up for him, then. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind that.’ that was true, but he wished he wouldn’t have to bring him up at all. Although since he had now followed him in the office, that would be impossible.

Sure enough Masahiko was already there, standing in front of the older man’s desk with arms crossed defensively. He had a scowl on his face, eyes looking down when Akira walked in.Was he in pain?

Good.

“Suzuki, Kimura. What is the meaning of this? You’re adults now, aren't you? Why are you still acting like high school students?” the man was obviously displeased, shooting a questioning look to the uninvited boy but not addressing him yet. “It’s the first time in years that students of this university got into a fight. You should be ashamed of yourselves.” he went on, adjusting his glasses.

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry.” Akira said with a serious voice, eyes respectfully looking at the man. He didn’t care. He wanted to get this over with so he could leave.

Masahiko mumbled an apology of his own, and the President scoffed. “You will both be excluded from this year’s trip. Now go.”

That was fine. He didn’t particularly care for the trip. He doubted he’d go anyway. If that was his punishment, he was fine with it.

“Mr. President, no.” suddenly his eyes widened as he heard Kouyou objecting. _What are you doing dumbass? This isn’t a big deal._

‘He’s standing up for you, since you can’t do it for yourself.’

‘But this punishment doesn’t affect me!’

‘He doesn’t want the teachers to think of his best friend as a delinquent simply because he was a good friend, stupid.’

He couldn’t argue with that. But he didn’t want Kouyou in trouble either.

“Suzuki got into the fight because Kimura was… calling me things. He was saying bad things about me, Suzuki just wanted to stand up for me. He doesn’t deserve to be punished for that.”

“Is this true?” the President asked, narrowing his eyes. “What were you saying, Kimura?”

“Nothing.” Masahiko murmured, glaring at the honey blond. “I just commented on his inappropriate behaviour.” he added, tapping his foot against the floor.

“Takashima’s boyfriend drove him here today, sir.” Akira intervened, not wanting the man to think of anything ridiculous. “It just happens they aren’t soulmates.” he explained quietly, looking at his best friend apologetically. At least the boy didn’t look bothered.

“I see. This isn’t an elementary school, mr. Kimura. It’s a university. We don’t care about who is in a relationship with whom. Next time you better not stick your nose in other people’s business.” he stood up, eyeing the blond. “The penalty still stands. Whatever the reason, you got into a fight in university grounds. However, you, mr. Kimura,” he turned to the raven “will take the exams separately from the other students at the end of the semester and they will definitely be harder, so you better study well. Dismissed.”

Once they were away from the office, Akira pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He lit it, stressed, and inhaled deeply the nicotine.

‘Come on, he’s your friend. Did you expect him to let you be punished for helping him?’

‘It’s not that simple.’ he shook his head and eyed the one next to him. “What the fuck, Kou? What if Masahiko corners you someday for this? You shouldn’t have said anything.” he said, almost crushing the stick between his thumb and index finger.

“Don’t be dumb. I wouldn’t let you get blamed for this.” came a weak murmur, almost echoing Takanori’s thoughts. The blond sighed, pulling the other for a hug, careful not to burn him.

“I know. I know.” he closed his eyes, he was still upset. He was upset, because his best friend was also upset, no doubt by what happened. “Fuck them, Kou. No one has the right to judge you. They’re all privileged fucks and you’re still better than them.” he said, exhaling loudly from his nose against the other’s shoulder. He felt the hug returned, shakily, and he vowed to himself to never let anyone get off with hurting Kouyou so easily again.

‘Akira please, I need you out of jail.’

He snorted and pulled away slowly. “Wanna sleep over today? We can order something, play some games…” he trailed off, he knew the other probably needed the comfort, the company. He always did, and especially not being alone at his own home. His eyes were filled with concern when the boy just nodded silently, putting his cigarette out and pulling him away.  
  


***

  
Right when the commotion was over, it was break time. Takanori sighed, asking Akira if everything was alright, if Kouyou was alright, if his nose was broken, what they were going to eat. He felt frustrated that he had to be at school, that he couldn’t be there with them, be helpful. After last night… Takanori didn’t dare admit it directly even in his own head. His heart had been fluttering eversince, Akira… he had been too sweet. He wasn’t sure how he’d ever match up to that. He wasn’t sure if he even dared to put himself out there like this, and he admired the other for that. Maybe even a bit jealous of him. He had been sitting on his desk during every break, but after a moment he got up, leaving the classroom. With all that happening, he couldn’t exactly sit down, he needed to keep himself busy. He walked down the hallway, towards the bathroom to splash some water on his face and empty his head.

He stared at his reflection, water dripping off his face and his messy bangs. He felt sorry for Kouyou. People had progressed a lot in some aspects with the whole soulmate thing happening but, the one thing that remained was that many would judge someone who wasn’t sticking to their soulmate. It didn’t matter if they died, or something happened, it was so romantisized and idolized that when someone didn’t remain faithful and loyal they were regarded as a freak. It upset him, made him worry. What if he indeed decided not to stay with Akira? What if he broke it off and then met someone he liked? Would he be shunned for it? Would he have been shunned if Akira wasn’t his soulmate and was instead a friendly classmate, a friendly passerby?

He huffed and wiped his face with a paper towel, before throwing it to the bin. He didn’t want to distract the other with his thoughts, so he just walked back out into the hallway.

Of course, his own distracted state had him almost bumping into someone. He almost apologized but, as he looked up, he noticed two very specific classmates. They were the two classmates that were throwing him paper the other day.

“Look who it is.” one of them said, sounding pretty amused. He could tell they were both regarding him, so he stood up straight. “Didn't feel like wearing your glasses today?”

“You didn’t complain to the teachers about us, did you? You only talk about your nerd stuff with them, right?” the other questioned, and Takanori almost rolled his eyes, but refused to take them off the two boys at all. He felt too cautious to let himself look away. They didn’t sound friendly.

“What? Are you too good for us?” he pinned his eyes on the taller one who spoke, he couldn’t understand how in that age some people were still acting like elementary students.

‘Takanori is anyone bothering you?’ Akira was playing games at home with Kouyou, he knew. He felt bad for distracting him after all.

‘Just some idiots. It’s no big deal.’ there was no point in lying anyway. The other could hear his thoughts.

“Answer, bitch.” he felt a hand on his shoulder, shoving. He switched his gaze to him, eyes momentarily shifting to the wall. He could notice shadows of someone approaching, so he felt calmer.

“Let me go.” he said in a low voice, he didn’t need this. He hadn’t even done anything, other than not telling the teachers about how those two were bothering him in class.

“Let him go, Akane.”

The vaguely familiar voice made him turn his head, not sure if he was relieved or not. He didn’t want to feel like he owed anyone.

“Wow, Toshi’s bitch already? I mean, damn he’s tall, but that much?” Akane snickered with his friend, before turning to aforementioned boy. “How is his ass, Toshi?”

Before Toshi could reply, Takanori huffed through his nose, annoyed. “Wouldn’t you like to know, fuckstick?” He knew they hadn’t expected that to come out of his mouth. He never spoke to anyone there, after all, much less swear. “Hey, why don’t you surprise me one day and actually say something intelligent, huh? I’m sure it will be a shock to the world.” he spat, moving past the three students and towards the class. He hadn’t needed Toshi or any Toshi to come to his rescue.

‘Are you okay?’ he smiled at his soulmate’s concern, leaning against the door outside the class. He needed to catch his breath.

‘Yeah… this was just very unnecessary.’ he didn’t understand the point. ‘They are just some assholes that have nothing better to do. I’m tired of them thinking that they can keep doing this.’ not like he’d stop them though. He didn’t want to give his father a reason to have him homeschooled.

However, he was painfully aware of Akira’s guilt overflowing his mind, and he walked back to his seat in class. ‘No Akira, stop. You were a literal child. Nothing about you is like them. Shut up.’ he huffed as his other classmates returned to the classroom. ‘Don’t compare yourself. You need to let this go.’ but it made him think of how cute, kind must the other actually be. He felt guilty for something he did ages ago, for something he had already made up for.

‘I’m sorry, I know, I… know...’

He sighed, recognizing the other’s attempts to stop this train of thoughts.

‘Just focus on your friend, okay? He needs you right now. I’ll be going home after this, anyway.’ He looked down at his hands, shaking his head. ‘I normally don’t care… those things don’t affect me. I was just already kind of… charged up, you know? I was thinking about Kouyou’s situation...’ he closed his eyes, aware the other would understand now. ‘So the best thing you can do for me is helping him feel better.’ he smiled, but it fell when he noticed someone approaching his desk.

“Takanori, I’m sorry--”

“Save it, Toshi. I don’t care. But I’m not some damsel in distress, I don’t need your fucking help.” he mumbled, not looking at him.

“It’s not about that. You’re just my classmate, and I like you. I’d do it for anyone. Akane and Satori were being dicks.” a pause. “But you sure shut them up, huh?” he chuckled light-heartedly, and with a grunt, the brunette shook his head.

‘Taka come on. He sounds like a good guy. It’s not bad to let yourself be friendly to one human being, you know.’

‘Yeah, I guess you don’t count because you’re a dog.’

‘Dog? ...Why?’

‘Loyal and friendly to the point that it’s annoying.’

‘Not a dog person I take it.’

“Yeah, thanks, I guess.” he said, despite himself. He didn’t miss the surprised expression as he looked up to the still standing boy. “And sorry for always being like this. I’m not really in the friend-making business here.”

“I…noticed.” a sheepish scratch at the back of his head. “Isn’t it boring, without anyone to talk to here?”

“No it’s… quiet. Drama-less. I have seen a lot of that” he chuckled lightly, before he caught himself and stopped. “Anyway, thanks.” he repeated, not wanting the discussion to get out of his control. The other smiled and went to sit, right as the teacher walked in.

‘Look at you… not bad, not bad at all.’

‘You can’t look at me, fucktard.’

‘Whatever you say, mister giggly-over-Toshi.’

‘Do you seriously want us to exchange addresses so I can punch you?’

‘That’s not very friendly of you, Nori-chan.’

‘I’m going to kill you if you call me that again.’  
  


***  
  


“Do you have any more beer?”

“One more beer, coming right up.”

Akira didn’t want to push the other further with his teasing, so for the rest of the class, he didn’t. He was proud of him, for finally making a friend, and he didn’t want to put him off it. He knew the boy could tell he was proud of him and that was enough. Actually addressing him with it would be uncomfortable for Takanori, he was aware.

He opened the fridge and pulled another beer can, giving it to Kouyou as he sat back on the carpet, back against the couch. “Hey wanna watch something instead? We can play again later.” they had been playing a race game for hours, really. He didn’t want it to get boring. He loved playing that game.

“Yeah sure. What do you wanna watch?” he looked as the honey blond opened the beer, gulping it down immediately. He sighed.

“Did you talk with Yuu about what happened?”

He looked downwards sympathetically at the other’s lack of response. After a minute, he could hear him wet his lips and scratch his head.

“When would I have talked with him, Aki? We’ve been hanging out, remember?”

“Yeah but, didn’t you at least message him? You know that if you had asked me to, I’d leave you alone to talk on the phone.”

“I don’t want to tell him on the phone. And besides, say what? _‘My classmates are calling me names and treating me badly because you’re not my soulmate, do something’_? Don’t you think that will just make him feel bad? And what if he breaks up with me?”

He could now see the tears welling up in his best friend’s eyes and he looked down, hating to see him upset. Although he knew crying would probably make him feel better.

“If he breaks up with you for that… he wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth receiving all this bad treatment over. But Kou… I really think he wouldn’t do that. He seems like an alright guy-- he doesn’t have problems of the sort, you said that, right? So I’m sure he can make you feel better and that he’ll like hearing you out…” he trailed off, he didn’t want to push it but he didn’t want his friend to suppress all that either.

After a long moment of silent sniffling, the other raised his head. “Y-yeah… you’re probably right. I’ll talk with him tomorrow, okay? I just want to spend time with my favourite idiot now.” a faint smile. Akira returned it.

“Why is everyone calling me names? Do you seriously think of me as dumb?”

_‘Oh_ Aki, I don’t think you’re dumb. Just not very bright.’ He should have seen this coming. The fucker had probably been waiting to tease him back for before.

“I don’t know what Takanori said, but judging by the face you're making, he was probably right.” a teasing smirk. So much for his self-confidence.

“I’ve surrounded myself with people who disrespect me.” he said dramatically, putting on a horror movie. That would show him.

The movie wasn’t all that scary. It had a few jumpscares, which at this point of Kouyou’s drunkenness seemed dull, and the blond was never really affected by jumpscares. He could almost always see them coming.

After that they ordered food, and before long it was already night. It wasn’t that late, but he understood his friend’s tiredness. He seemed exhausted.

He was now tucking the honey blond in bed; he’d sleep on the couch. He wanted to give him comfort and privacy, and if he needed the company after all, he could just call him over. But he was pretty sure he’d prefer to be alone this time.

“Goodnight, Kou. Love you, okay?” he whispered, kissing his forehead tenderly. It had been hard, seeing him so upset. He just hoped a good sleep would wash it all away.

“Goodnight, blondie.” he shook his head, amused, at the cheeky smile, before he closed the light and shut the door slowly behind him.

He turned the living room’s lights off, only leaving a small one on so he wouldn’t trip if he needed to get up. Then, he sat back on the couch, closing his eyes.

‘Long day, huh?’

He hummed, pulling a blanket over his lap.

‘Yeah… Are you in bed?’

‘Kinda… I mean I’m not sleepy… I was about to read.’

‘Hume?’ the blond smiled fondly, letting his head rest against the pillows.

‘I was going to switch to Locke this time. Hume tired me out.’

Akira caught the playful tone and decided to take it up a notch. ‘Oh he did, didn’t he?’

‘Akira that’s gross. Hume is dead. For over 200 years now.’

‘Shit really? I thought he was more recent.’

‘I refuse to comment on this.’

A small laugh escaped him, and before he could respond, the other got his attention.

‘It’s… unfair. I wouldn’t care whether you were my soulmate if you were here. I could physically touch you… but that would be condemned because some natural power said that only if you talk through my head and annoying me day and night you’re destined for me? What bullshit.’

‘Taka… I understand you’re upset but… I’m glad we’re soulmates. And I think that, if we weren’t, we wouldn’t ever have the chance to talk, you know?’

‘Doubt it. If we were so destined for each other, don’t you think we’d know each other no matter what?’

‘I don’t think it’s the same thing.’ he wanted to comfort the boy, but he also felt slightly defensive. He was grateful for the soulmate thing. It gave him the chance to know Takanori. ‘I don’t think soulmates are definitely destined for each other… like Kouyou and Yuu. I just think soulmates are more compatible in some way and it gives you an easy way to find each other. Or maybe it’s random. But...’ he trailed off, smiling again. ‘I don’t think it was wrong with us. Do you? I just… I feel right.’ he added, shyly. He rubbed his forearm, opening his eyes to stare at the small lamp.

‘No… you’re right, I’m sorry.’ he could tell the boy’s mood was improved. It made him feel relieved. He didn’t want it to seem like he was ignoring the other’s worries. ‘I just wish you weren’t away from me… and that I didn’t have to wait so long to see you.’ this made his heart clench, eyes watering up just slightly. This confession meant to him much more than Takanori would ever think it did.

‘Hey, that’s alright. I’m right here, you know?’ with a smile, he closed his eyes again. He had used this way to calm the boy down, and it had felt fairly warm. He knew the other wouldn’t complain this time either. ‘Right here… holding your hand...’ he couldn’t help but let an amused huff as he felt blood rushing to his cheeks. It was a little embarrassing, but he knew the boy wouldn’t tease him about it. They both needed that.

‘Yeah… it’s warmer than my own… my hands are always freezing.’ Takanori joked, feeling nervous. Akira could tell, because the teen’s mind was swirling with thoughts. He could also tell it wasn’t a bad kind of nervous. It was butterflies, it was excitement, and the thrill of stepping out of his comfort zone, the initial shyness. Akira could tell, because he felt it too.

‘Then I ought to keep them warm.’ he joked back, grasping his hands together. More than anything, he wished he could indeed hold the boy’s hands at that moment. The day had been a bit overwhelming for him too, seeing his childhood friend so upset, shunned for a man he loved. It dug deeper, giving him some perspective of what could happen to Takanori, by his father himself. ‘But not just your hands… it’s really cold, you know? I bet you’re shivering.’

‘A little bit...’ the tone was playful, and this playfulness boosted the blond’s confidence a bit.

‘Then I’ll hug you tightly. Keep your body warm. Your skin is very cold, you know...’

‘Oh is it? What if I get sick?’

‘You won’t. Here, I’ll blow warm breath against your skin. Your neck, ears… they’re pretty red… are your ears sensitive, Taka?’

He could tell where this was going. They both could. It was also something they expected, it had been way too long for boys their age not to get some sort of relief anyway and there weren’t many things either could do while they shared their thoughts.  
  
‘They… they are...’

It was getting harder to think. But he had to be the one guiding it anyway.

‘What else is sensitive, Takanori?’ the boy’s timidness made him smile, and urge him to coax him gently into it. He was a surprisingly reserved person, his behaviour contrasting his smart and witty remarks every time he wanted to mock Akira.  
  
‘My… stomach...’

The confession made him smile, feeling a familiar pressure slowly but surely building up on his abdomen.

‘So I breathe into your ear… down your neck… down your stomach….’ he trailed off, making sure it was okay so far. He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable and scare him off, or make this an unpleasant experience. It wasn’t exactly being physically exposed and intimate with someone but, he knew it was the most intimate situation the younger one had come to, and it probably still made him feel exposed, so he did his best to be careful.

‘And then?’

Closing his eyes and smirking, he let his hand finally trail to the front of his pants. He gently caressed his growing erection, letting out a small hum. He tried to keep at the back of his mind the fact that Kouyou was sleeping in his room, so he wouldn’t make any actual noise.

‘I’m lowering your trousers… caressing your thighs… They’re cold too, you know? But so soft...’ he bit his lip as he let the thought overtake him, his imagination working effectively.

‘Your hands… feel so warm...’ he could tell at this point that Takanori was also pleasuring himself, from the way his thoughts were completely scattered. He finally let his hand slip inside his pants, trying not to get too lost at the feeling.

‘Your thighs are very sensitive, because of the temperature… Your inner thighs are… so soft…’ He let himself imagine running his hands through the other’s inner thighs, kissing up to them, grabbing them to the point of reddening them. Judging by the boy’s thoughts, it would probably be appreciated. ‘Taking off your underwear… it’s in the way, you know?’ he chuckled at himself, catching the same amusement coming from his soulmate, breaking the tense moment for a bit.

‘Akira, please...’

Settling not to prolong the teasing any more, he smiled, stroking himself lazily so as not to get too lost into it, his priority for now being Takanori’s pleasure.

‘Mm… can’t keep my precious prince waiting, now can I? Touch yourself, baby… imagine me doing it to you.’ he generally wasn’t shy, used to finding himself in such situations. But he cared about the other more than anyone else he had done something like this with, so he was still kind of nervous. ‘I’d touch you like that… kissing your sensitive neck and marking it, so no one would doubt that you have someone who will fight for you.’ he was determined about that; he wouldn’t mark the boy out of sheer possessiveness. It’d be a message not to hurt him, because he _would_ protect him. His own stroked intensified as he thought about touching him so intimately, kissing him all over. ‘I’d then lick you all up, putting my lips around you… Have you ever been sucked before, Taka?’ he asked boldly, he knew the answer but he still wanted to hear it.

‘No...’

‘I’m glad to be the only one to witness your delicious reactions then… to see you squirm...’ it was harder to focus, for both of them, he knew. It was getting too much. As his strokes got firmer, he bit his lip and tried to imagine the younger one lying down against the couch’ cushions,, himself between his legs and his hand in his pants, kissing his neck and teasing his earlobe, receiving delicious little moans as a response. He played it out in his mind as he came closer to the edge, until he bit his lip, struggling to keep quite, finally releasing the essence of the pleasure that had built up.

He finally opened his eyes, sliding his hand out of his boxers. He laughed quietly and got up in order to wash his hand, smiling fondly.

‘Takanori? You okay?’ he asked, he could hear his thoughts finally making more sense so he could only guess he had also finished.

‘Yeah… yeah I am.’ he could tell he was slightly embarrassed, but he wanted him to feel comfortable with those things.

‘You came, right?’ he still wanted to make sure; after all this was supposed to be more about the other’s pleasure than his own this time.

‘Y-yeah… thank you…’

With another small laugh, he sat back on the couch, looking around to make sure Kouyou hadn’t woken up. ‘Don’t thank me, silly. I just wanted to make sure this was okay for you too.’

It was amusing how embarrassed the teen was about it, and so, so cute. He didn’t want to push it though, he knew this was good enough for now.

‘You had to go and do that with Kouyou being there? That’s nasty, Aki.’

Relieved for the light-hearted banter, he finally laid down. ‘I’m sure he’d so the same.’ he grinned, maybe he already had. He’d never know.’Shouldn’t you go to sleep now? It’s late and I don’t want you to miss any classes because of me.’

‘Akira you know I appreciate you, but nothing is worth missing classes over.’ there was a teasing tone to it, so he didn’t take it to heart.

‘Not even a mind-blowing orgasm?’

‘Goodnight, dork.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should have seen this coming, it'd be super unrealistic if something like that didn't happen, sorry I don't make the rules  
> I've had this chapter done for like a month but the last part took me all this time to finish,,  
> it's hard writing this ok. It's hard not adding little details to every situation like breathing or expressions or eyes and shit like that, pls appreciate me  
> HOPE YOU LIKED, COMMENT IF YOU DID AND I'LL TRY TO UPDATE ASAP


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